Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Is That Your Final Answer?

And I bet you thought DoG was above writing headlines that were trite five years ago. Never misunderestimate us!! Anyway, we might have gotten somewhere in Cheney Health Watch 2005. The timeline goes a little something like this:

  • What hospital? Can you see a hospital? I don’t see no hospital.

    Strike one!

  • Old football injury. His knees are crap, I mean look at how fat that sonofabitch is!

    Strike two!

  • Well, he did go for his knees, but then we thought we might have a look-see at the old ticker.

    Fouled off to stay alive, but he’s still down in the count.

  • [Cheney] received an EKG after medical personnel noted that his breathing was labored.

    And he drives a base hit into shallow right field!
  • See the Republicans, they really like to stay on message. It’s just that sometimes they need to see a few pitches before they get comfortable at the plate. So, despite some investigation by Arianna and some perfectly responsible speculation that Cheney’s programmers had to implant a few new subroutines, it looks like it’s just plain old run-of-the-mill "multiple heart attack victim with high stress career is having trouble breathing." YAWN!

    By the way, speaking of being trite and boring, can any of you name any characters in popular fiction who have trouble breathing?

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