Thursday, May 29, 2008

You Go To Hell! You Go To Hell And You Die!

Remember Pastor John Hagee, the dude who is like super-happy God sent Hitler to totally help out the Jews? And then McCain finally said enough is enough with this douchebag?

It turns out that ex-veep candidate, ex-Democrat, ex-reasonable human being, and renowned Jew, Joe Lieberman is still BFF with Hagee.

But, as Max Blumenthal reported on Tuesday, Lieberman -- a strong supporter of Israel -- is the scheduled headliner for a July summit organized by Christians United for Israel, which Hagee founded and still chairs. On Wednesday, Lieberman confirmed that he will appear at the summit.

Hagee has indeed been a supporter of Israel, but that's largely because he believes the country will be the site of Armageddon, which he thinks is imminent.
Koppelman neglects to mention or assumes he implied that Hagee also believes that during said apocalypse, the Jews will either accept Jesus Christ as their personal lord and savior or be cast into the fires of hell. Or as Rabbi Michael Lerner put it on Bill Moyer’s Journal:
And everyone -- all the rest of us so they're welcoming us now -- with open arms and saying, "Oh, we love the Jewish people" But they love the Jewish people literally to death because they want see those of us who stay Jews burn in hell but not -- not right away. They don't imagine it will happen right away. So there's a staged process. And this is the first stage in the process that will eventually lead either to us converting totally to Christianity or burning in hell. So it's not a really great future for the Jews that those theological people have in mind.
I just thought our pal Joey would be interested to know what Hagee really thinks of him. And it’s kind of worse than Nixon and Billy Graham really.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Redneck Wedding

I’m told this weekend is the eagerly anticipated arranged marriage between the Rove employee and the president’s daughter so that the two evil dynasties can merge into a singular unholy union. Talk about doing it old-school… Speaking of which, do you think they’ll display the blood-stained wedding sheets as it requires in the Bible? If so, you better go get your fancy stoning rocks, cuz Lord knows this doofus ain’t the first horse-rustler to trespass in that barn.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is to highlight this photo of “souvenirs” available for sale:

Specifically, the Texas shaped mock invitation. Thing is, I wouldn’t be even a little surprised if the real invitations were Texas shaped as well. One of these days I would like an answer as to why Texans are obsessed with the shape of their state. Have you ever been to Texas? Things that wouldn’t normally be associated with geography often come in the shape of the state. Clocks, bathroom signs, windows, condom wrappers, magazines, ice cream cones, chairs, dart boards. You name it. I just don’t get it. You don’t see Mainers running around with Maine shaped belt buckles, or Ohioans with Ohio shaped shoes. They don’t grow specially engineered Florida shaped oranges (although those would be quite popular). Texans have an inordinate amount of pride, not only in their state, but in the specific shape of their state. Perhaps it’s because after years of living in ignorance and avoiding critical thought, the living world frightens and confuses them. When they see a shape from their childhood, it comforts them. Like tasting Mom's chicken soup or furiously masturbating under the blanket you hope Jesus can't see through.