Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Get Well, Get Well Soon, We Wish You To Get Well…

Chief Justice Roberts had a bit of a spill and I hope he’s ok.

I guess in a perfect world, I would hope that he’s well enough not to die, but not well enough to go back to work, but well enough that he wouldn’t feel compelled to step down until 2009 when his sick days ran out.

Oh, no wait! In a perfect world his little seizure would have scrambled his brain just enough such that he kept all his lawyerly schooling and whatnot, but he stopped being a conservabot automaton, reflexively voting in favor of whatever the right-wing powers-that-be have predetermined to be his position. That would be the perfect world. (And he also developed an X-Men style mutation that caused heavy bricks to repeatedly fall onto any condescending Italian Catholic jurists in his vicinity. Yeah!!)

But alas, I doubt it. I’m sure he’ll be fine and back at work undermining the constitution in no time. Whatever. Any excuse to show that picture of his kid getting’ jiggy wit’ it, am I right?

Meet the Mets

The Tigers are my team. I just wanted to say that up front. However, years ago I moved from Detroit to New York and you know how it is when you’re in a new town, you start following the local sports as well. Needless to say, the Yankees are evil personified and represent all that is wrong with baseball (even more than Barry Bonds!), so I started going to Mets games. As such, they have become my second favorite team, conveniently located in the National League so as to avoid too many uncomfortable series.

That said, Shea Stadium is an absolute dump. It’s too big. It’s got that boring cookie-cutter design from the 60s. You’re too far away even in the good seats. The good news for Mets fans is that they are building a new home right next door. And there is a movement afoot to save the Home Run Apple in the outfield (pictured right) and transplant it in the new stadium. I approve of this movement and ask that you join them.

Save The Apple.com

One of my favorite things about old Tiger Stadium, where I practically grew up, was that the flagpole was in the outfield in fair territory. There was a line painted on it above which was a home run. When they moved to Comerica Park, where the Tigers play now, they put the new flagpole in fair territory. Comerica is really nice, and Tiger Stadium was a dump (in the way a 100-year-old building is a dump), but Tiger Stadium had something Shea would never have - rich character steeped in history. As sad as it was to have to leave behind the ol’ ballpark on Michigan and Trumball, it was nice to have the continuation of the flagpole you could kill yourself on chasing a fly ball in the sparkly-shiny new place. Makes the transition easier. (Note - they moved the fences in and the pole is now out of play, but you get my point.)

Let’s hope they do the same for new Shea.

Captain Footloose

Giuliani is becoming a bigger and bigger douchebag. Things come flying out of his mouth lately with no sense of rhyme or reason. Take today for example. Generalissimo Rudy says that the Democrats want a nanny government. That Democrats think the government knows better than you do how to live your life.

Ironic coming from a man who banned dancing in New York City and worked his ass off to protect New Yorkers from the unease of seeing a poopy painting.

Funny thing is, a nanny might do him some good. Maybe she could prevent him from hiring criminals and perverts, stop him from making catastrophically idiotic decisions, and maybe put on a freakin’ pair of pants for crying out loud.

His first of three wives was his cousin. It has nothing to do with anything, I’m just saying… He’s creepy

Friday, July 27, 2007


The Bush administration subpoenas Michael Moore for bringing sick people to Cuba, (the law in question being a relic of the Cold War, and an illogical one at that).

Honoring the subpoenas issued by the United States Congress? Not so much.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Entire Story Of The War In Iraq (Abridged)

In an interview for Business Week, Condoleezza Rice says,

I don't know what I'll do long-term. I'm a terrible long-term planner.
It’s a good thing her job in the State Department only requires her to wing it...

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I’m Old! I’m Confused! I Thought I Paid For These Already! Where Am I?

I don’t even know where to begin with David Brooks’ Tuesday column. Actually, I do. You see, he begins his column with lyrics from some current pop songs by Avril Lavigne, Pink, and some American Idol chickee. Whatever, I’m old too, and I’ve only heard one of the songs. But these songs are about young women who go out without escorts, enjoy getting drunk and generally act unladylike. Brooks goes on to say that this is all due to computers and MySpace and text messaging, and most of all - girls not getting married before 30 and not wearing chastity belts before marriage as it was back in the previous aught-seven.

Dana Goldstein cleverly points out that both Avril and Pink are under thirty and married. Touché.

I would also like to add that The Beatles didn’t actually live in a Yellow Submarine, nor was Mr. Roboto in point of fact, Kilroy. He was just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control. Beyond his control. (Ask your parents.)

And all that is very cute. But the most interesting point to me is that on the very same day that Brooks is acting like he’s 150 years old, getting his panties in a twist over a lyricist who thinks “makes me go oh-oh” is not like, so whatever, the New York Observer is running a piece about the so-called New Victorians. It’s a story about the new trend of 20-something New Yorkers like Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams getting married early, running up real estate prices in Brooklyn by settling down in fancy brownstones, lumbering around town with their Maclaren prams and generally eating all the sushi in Park Slope. All the while managing to make it to age 30 without slashing tires or whoring around town.

So… I guess the questions is - How out of touch is David Brooks? Grandpa and Nana out of touch? Ronald Reagan out of touch? Or Kim Jong-il out of touch?

Just Another GOP Cocksucker

Oops! Is there something worse than NC-17? Ah, well… As I said, today we have Bob Allen, another hypocrite Republican who votes yea on penisbreath despite consistently voting nay on gay rights.

And, oh yes, he works for the rapidly imploding McCain campaign.

And, uh, if you were curious - he offered an undercover cop $20 to be allowed to suck the cop’s dick. You need it bad when you pay to give a beejer. Or maybe that was just his idea of compassionate conservatism.


Lest you find yourself confused as to the status of the prosecutor firings scandal and Bush’s claims of executive privilege, I have three required pieces of reading for you that should clear everything up. Start with Bruce Fein's piece in Slate yesterday. Or at least read this:

Executive privilege is a concoction, then, to protect secrecy for the sake of secret government, while transparency is the rule of enlightened democracies to insure political accountability and to deter folly or wrongdoing. Still, let's assume for a moment that executive privilege is in fact needed to promote presidential candor. The privilege still would not justify silencing presidential aides like Ms. Taylor or John Dean, who are eager to disclose their communications. Candor is not threatened by a rule that entitles each presidential communicant to decide for him- or herself whether to speak publicly or not.
As the article goes on to point out, This is not a matter of a principle for Bush, this is all simply a tactic to further lead our country down a darkened corridor of corruption and dictatorship. He is expressly attempting to not simply minimize, but to entirely eliminate congress’ constitutional duty to provide oversight to the executive branch.

Follow that up with a taste of Dahlia who explains that Sara Taylor’s song and dance at the hearing yesterday in which she decided that everything good about Bush is not covered by privilege and everything bad is, was actually worse (if your interests lie in a free and open government not ruled by a corrupt monarch) than if she had not shown up at all (like Bush’s dim-witted BFF Harriet).

And finally a primer in executive privilege from Salon where you find out the new extremes to which the Bush administration is taking us.

You can’t prove a cover up if you can’t find the crime. But like the man said about pornography, I recognize it when I see it. Or as the Patriot Act fans in the house are fond of saying - if you don’t have anything to hide, then why can’t we take a look?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Hide The Children!

Online Dating

A new rating system for blogs is now available. As you can see, DoG is not for kids. My favorite part of this is the reasoning behind it:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
  • bomb (5x)
  • ass (4x)
  • fuck (3x)
  • bitch (2x)
  • abortion (1x)
Ah... I remember that one. Something about how Bush wanted jumpstart this abortion of an administration by bombing the fuck out of those bitch-ass Democrats. Something like that...

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Meanwhile, Back At The Hall Of Justice

It’s no surprise that Libby goes free; it was coming for sure. (And apparently, Bush even broke the law while he was giving Scooter permission to break the law.) But for some reason, it has me especially upset. I’m used to this sort of thing by now, you’d think I could let it roll off my back. As Americans, we’re like the abused dog who keeps coming back for more and probably thinks he did something to deserve it.

Pardoning Libby is just about the most harmless thing Bush has ever done in terms of taking the law into his own hands. It just says something. Demonstrates something about what Bush values. The laws are different for them. He IS the law, goddammit! Torture the brown people, set my friends free, disenfranchise voters, fire attorneys and replace them with obsequious automatons, gin up intelligence so I get to kill people, secretly rewrite the laws that congress passes. I AM THE LAW!

Back in 2000 when we were watching the election, it was like how bad can this doofus be? (And anyway, Gore is 10 points ahead.) At worst, he could ruin our country through inaction. But with the psychopaths he’s chosen to surround himself with, they have essentially rendered the constitution moot and created a monarchy. Their understanding of manipulating the press and the press’s unwillingness not to not ask questions - they ask questions - their unwillingness to call a spade a spade, has given this administration carte blanche. Even on Meet the Press, where Tim “Insider Extraordinaire” Russert pretends to ask the tough questions, when they lie to him, he won’t say lie. I’ve even heard Brian Williams specifically say that he won’t use the word “lie” because it’s not his place. It IS his place. If you water everything down by saying, “Bush critics say…” then everything sounds like an easily dismissed partisan attack. But it’s knowable and provable that they lied us into war and that torture was initiated from inside the White House to name merely two of his impeachable offenses. If you have a guy on TV who says that the sky is green, do you just get another guy who says the sky is blue and let them have at it? Or do you put a camera outside pointing at the sky and say, “The green sky guy is wrong, because look, there’s the sky and it’s blue.”

I don’t know why this one thing upsets me so much today, it’s just like I say, it’s indicative of a greater evil. An evil that surrounds us all and is growing; threatening to encompass and devour everything we hold dear. It must be stopped, but I don’t know how. People are too complacent. While the everyday folks are trying to figure out how to feed their families, Bush is standing behind us, twirling his mustache and stealing our souls. And most will never take the time to notice.

Anyway, I like Wonkette’s take on it:

Number of pardons Bush has granted:
113, less than any president in a century.
Number of pardons Bush has denied:
More than 1,000.
Number of commutation requests Bush has denied:
More than 4,000.
Commuting Cheney’s henchman’s prison sentence right after the bail appeal is denied by the U.S. Court of Appeals:
Fuck you, America!
Happy Fourth of July, everybody! Enjoy the fireworks and go on living your life without remembering why the Founding Fathers decided to declare their independence on that day some 231 years ago - to rid themselves of a corrupt and tyrannical emperor who stole money from the people to amass great wealth for himself and his friends and who held himself above the rule of law.