Poor Bill O'Reilly

Verne Gay gives Bill O’Reilly the reach around in today’s Newsday. In it we learn that crusty old O’Reilly isn’t such a tough guy after all. Inside he’s soft and squishy like a Care Bear. And he hurts.

Dear Diary – I just don’t get why those yucky jerkfaces in the liberal establishment media are so mean to me! They live in New York too, don’t they understand when you’re the most handsomest, most powerful man in all of media, it’s not such a big deal to fuck your employees? And all they do is bring it up day after day, almost a year after I gave that harpy her hush money. I had to cancel my new Lexus to pay for that! And if I hear one of those dirty hippies at the Post call me a liar one more time, I swear! I mean, they act all like facts are so important. What’s so important about facts anyway? We didn’t bother with crummy facts when we won all those awards on Inside Edition. Stupidheads. I’ve had enough of this crap. I’ll show them! I’ll just quit. Then they’ll be sorry. You won’t have O’Reilly to kick around anymore, poopyface!

Wow. I just wouldn’t have thought Bill O’Reilly would keep a diary. He seems more like a collection of hidden camera videotapes kind of guy to me.