Bush's America

How much would you pay for the adventure of a lifetime?

Don’t answer yet. What if we threw in this lovely M-16 submachine gun? But wait, there’s more! You and your closest friends can endure 120 degree days and 50 degree nights with the constant worry of children wearing bomb vests and guerilla fighters lobbing grenades at your unarmored vehicle. Now how much would you pay?

But don’t answer now, what if we told you that you couldn’t leave until you were dead or seriously wounded, even after your tour of duty was over? And that’s not all. With this special one-time television offer, we can see to it that you lose a limb or possibly even one of your favorite senses! That’s right!

Act now, and for five easy payments of only $1,240 per month, you too can have the fun and adventure of learning to write with your left hand!

Operators are standing by.