Thursday, January 05, 2006

Where's a Heart Attack When You Need One?

Lord Vader left his underground bunker/hyperbaric meditation chamber to give a cheery little speech yesterday. I didn't know this, but if we hadn't been so stubbornly clinging to that outdated bill of rights, 9/11 could have been prevented. It makes you wonder which side the Founding Fathers are on...

Be that as it may, he knew how shamefully beholden we were to our civil rights back then. So is there anything at all the administration could have done within the bounds of the law to prevent 9/11 despite our quaint naiveté?

Let's see, there was that counterterrorism task force you were put in charge of Mr. Vice-President. How many times did that meet again? Oh, that's right. Hmmn...

I seem to recall a memo of some sort warning us of bin Laden's intention to strike inside the United States. What did you do after you read that, Dick? I see.

Were there any programs in place before 9/11 that you decided to cut and/or ignore, Darth? A whole bunch of counterterrorism strategies and you just disregarded them all? Seems to me that the biggest problem wasn't the lack of illegal wiretaps. Seems to me that there were plenty of legal methods of protecting us available to you, but you were too lazy or too stupid to bother doing them.

Or maybe, just maybe, the wiretaps aren't about 9/11 at all. Maybe it's about your vision of a modern monarchy in the United States. Maybe the power you've stolen from Congress and the American people gives you a throbbing erection so large, you never want to give it all up.


1 comment:

Matthew Smith said...

I sincerely doubt he has a large erection. My Lord and Creator doesn't do nice things for bad people.

All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster and His infinite wisdom.