Did You Retrace Your Steps?

Dammit! Where are my keys?! Er... I mean, where is my gigantic container of deadly radioactive material?

Our old friend Halliburton misplaced a huge barrel of americium, obviously the most patriotic ingredient in any radioactive bomb recipe.

A Halliburton Co. shipment of radioactive material that landed in New York in October was lost en route to Texas, and was not found until Wednesday, when it turned up in Boston.

Yeah. October! Those hard working, audit failing, price gouging, tax dodging patriots at Halliburton didn't think to bring it up until now, four months after they lost it.

Markey said the lag time in reporting the disappearance of dangerous materials leaves open the possibility they could fall into the hands of terrorists without the government's knowledge.

You think?!?

Well, I'm sure it was a long farcical series of badly-timed coincidences and unfortunate happenstances that led to the material's disappearance. I mean, Dick Cheney used to work there; our government literally gives them billions of dollars in contracts every year, so they must have their act together, but good.

The NRC report indicates the material was trucked to Massachusetts after a Boston label was inadvertently placed on the package at the freight company's Newark, N.J., facility.

I see... Well, I guess that's not so bad, I know they have top-notch officials working in the New Jersey Homeland Security Office. And besides, it must be virtually impossible to get your hands on a label maker.

I'm buying some duct tape...