Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Those Are People Who Died Died

The Senate passed something or other regarding the Patriot Act today. The Times describes it as "new curbs on government surveillance powers" which sounds like a good thing, and it passed by 95-4, which also sounds good. But the 4 people who voted against it say that it doesn't go far enough to protect civil liberties. Which brings me to the reason for this post.

Senator Jim Bunning, Republican of Kentucky, offered another perspective in support of the antiterrorism measure: "Civil liberties do not mean much when you are dead."
With that in mind, DoG presents:

Things That Do Not Mean Much When You Are Dead (a partial list)
  • Your kids
  • Your house
  • Your wife
  • Your salary
  • Your receding hairline
  • Birth control
  • Global warming
  • The smoke monster on Lost
  • Kobe Bryant
  • New socks
  • Birthdays
  • Mercury in our food and water
  • Art
  • Health care
  • Is it catsup or ketchup?
  • The burning when you pee
  • Catching up on all the shows you TiVoed
  • How did my cellphone switch to Portuguese all of a sudden?
  • The homeless in New Orleans
  • Corruption in congress
  • Finally talking to that hot girl at the gym
  • Tastes great! Less filling!
  • Is our children learning?
  • Electronic voting booths with no paper trail
  • Brokeback Mountain
  • Oil crisis
  • Genocide in Darfur
  • The Latin Grammys
  • Is Roger Clemens retiring?
  • Healthy teeth and gums
  • Did I leave the oven on?
  • Nuclear proliferation
  • Civil war in Iraq
  • Your cholesterol count
  • Side-impact airbags
  • Soccer practice
  • Was it good for you too?
  • Asteroids from outer space
  • Winding your watch
  • Outsourcing to China
  • KFC Snackers
  • Avian flu
  • AIDS
  • Lyme disease
  • Parkinson's
  • Hepatitis
  • Diabetes
  • Olympic fever
  • Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
  • Holocaust cartoons
  • Renewing your driver's license
  • Fresh or frozen?
  • Idiot fucknut senators from Kentucky
  • The Constitution of the United States
Come to think of it – Thanks, Senator. I have been living my life all this time thinking that I could focus on more than one thing at a time. But you're right. I might die. I should sit around and worry only about preserving my life. I can forget all that other stuff until I find that immortality potion I lost. I think I looked under my bed already...

1 comment:

Courts said...

Brilliant.