Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Maybe He’s Just Not That Into You

A man jumped into a lion cage and expected God to protect him.

"The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.
So what do you reckon happened?
"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."
So, by my count, it’s Lion 1, God 0. Or alternatively, maybe God just thinks that guy is a dick.

Whatever the case, it would seem that God kills more people than smoking, drunk driving and McDonald’s combined. When do we get to file a lawsuit?

4 comments:

emeryroolz said...

I think the problem is clearly that he said "if." If the Bible has taught us nothing else (and it hasn't) it's that God is kind of like a bratty, spoiled, teenage girl, like those kids on the MTV Sweet 16 show. He must be worshipped unquestionably by everyone all the time or else He throws a fit and starts in with the smiting and what not. A simple "Save me, Jeebus!" might have served this guy better.

Courts said...

I would like to add a different side to the story - humans are self-absorbed idiots. Hello! The LION clearly talked to God waaaaaay before this silly human did and God said, "sorry, man, the Lion is hungry." You lose!

emeryroolz said...

Yeah, good point! The lions probably prayed that some jackass would wander into their cage. Who knew God answered prayers on a first come, first served basis? So, when one football team wins and thanks God, it's obvious that they got their prayers in first. The Lions should start praying for 2007 right now...

Matthew Smith said...

Uh, the zoo Lions have a better chance...sorry dude.