Come On Baby Light My Fire

The flag burning amendment failed. And I, for one, thank Satan and all the rest of my gods and false idols. I’m telling you, I just wouldn’t be able to get into my 4:20 spliff if I haven’t sparked it up from the burning flag in my fireplace. And when I get home from a really long day spent dishonoring the troops and not working, nothing brings that twinkle back to my eye faster than the red, white, and blue embers spitting from Ol’ Glory ablaze in my backyard. Flag day! Holy shit, on Flag Day I actually found a way to sodomize the flag while it was burning! That was a holiday I won’t soon forget. (Remind me to send you to my shutterfly page!)

So, once again, those short-sighted Founding Fathers have failed America by being so explicit with that confounded Bill of Rights. Which is fine by me, I fucking hate America and everything it stands for. This July 4th, I’m heading downtown to take a shit on Alexander Hamilton’s grave, wipe with the Stars and Stripes and set the whole cemetery on fire! Who’s with me??