Time Warner – Pinnacle of Corporate Competence

I worked for HBO (it’s not TV, it’s HBO) about four years ago, give or take. I was a temp; I didn’t work there for longer than a few months. But the ramifications last a lifetime. Yesterday, I received a letter from Corporate:

For several years, as part of our company’s regular processes to protect our computerized data, Time Warner has used a leading data storage firm to ship and store our computer back-up tapes offsite. I am writing to let you know that this outside firm recently lost a container of these back-up tapes during transport to one of its storage facilities.

The missing tapes contained company data including names and U.S. Social Security numbers of: current and former U.S.-based employees of Time Warner and its current and former affiliates (and U.S. citizens working for the company abroad); some of their dependents and beneficiaries; and certain other individuals who have provided services to the company.

So not just my social security number, but my wee nephew's as well, (my beneficiary for their "kickass" benefit package should I wind up dead or in a persistent vegetative state), who's not even old enough to have a credit rating good enough to be destroyed.

With respect to non-U.S. citizens who work for Time Warner outside the U.S., there was no information comparable to a Social Security number on the missing tapes.

Thank the Lord for small miracles.

Now, am I missing something or didn't they just get bought by um... AOL? Don't those guys have like some computers or something? Why is Time Warner, one of the biggest corporations in the world who are partnered with one of the biggest technology firms in the world, hiring some backassward data storage company that seems to be most proficient at dropping floppy disks off the back of their U-Haul? Hmmn... Fell off a truck, eh? Where have I heard that before?

Oh, and if you took those numbers and you're reading this right now, could you like, use someone else's SSN for your nefarious money laundering scheme? I already got my creditors breakin' my balls, I don't need another dollop of their shit. Anyway, thanks Time Warner! You're lucky you put the Mets back on the air today, or you'd be getting a pretty nasty letter in the mail, I shit you not!