And the Moon Landing Was a Hoax Too!

Big Dick Cheney really pushes the limits of tasteful lying with his new claim, they made it all up!

Vice President Dick Cheney has emphatically defended the handling of detainees at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, saying that they have been "well treated, treated humanely and decently" and that some accusations to the contrary are lies.

The vice president largely dismissed assertions that guards or interrogators at the United States base had mishandled the Koran or beaten detainees. He said repeatedly that freed detainees were "peddling lies."

That reminds me of the joke about Bush knowing that Saddam has weapons of mass destruction – because we still have the receipts! Har, har, har... But the reason it’s analogous is because you can almost hear Cheney thinking, "Cuz the buttfuck sand niggers we really tortured were all shipped off to Syria. Those CIA agents aren't half the sadistic motherfuckers that those Syrians are..." Cheney’s not so much known for his clean language, you see. I was just quoting his thoughts.

Syrian flair for brutality aside, there is so much evidence and internal Pentagon reports, and oh yeah, the pictures from Abu Ghraib. Remember them? It’s absurd to think that we’re running some sort of precious angel jail down there in Cuba. Who is he kidding?

The remarks, in an interview taped on Friday for a "Larry King Live" shown on CNN on Monday night, were one of the more unapologetic defenses of conduct at Guantánamo. Amnesty International last week compared the detention center to a gulag-style camp. Asked about that, Mr. Cheney replied, "Frankly, I was offended by it."

Well, Dick, I’m offended by this. So go fuck yourself.