Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You…

Ask what your Congress can do for the president!

Ah yes, President Bush -- the King of Cooperation; the Prince of Partnership; the Chieftain of Charity; the Captain of Compliance -- that President Bush is pleading with the newly elected Democratic Congress to just please, please, let him get some work done. For God’s sake, he’s been in office for 6 years now with both houses controlled by his own party, yet there’s so much left to destroy do!

Indeed, the president actually sat down and “wrote” an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal this morning entitled, get this, What the Congress Can Do for America.

So, let’s ask. What can Congress do for America? For starters, they (the Democrats) can be bipartisan. Not bipartisan in the way Bush is bipartisan, mind you, (which is to say – inflaming your partisan base and stoking the fires of hatred between peoples). More bipartisan in like, the way that a bank teller is bipartisan with an armed robber.

The Democrats can help America by finding common ground with the president without compromising their principles. Or to put it another way - by completely ignoring their principles.

Democrats can help America by listening to the the common “sense” (dare I say common wisdom?) of George W. Bush who believes that government plays a strong role in helping people, but that people aren’t helped by government at all – only by people who care about helping. Which explains the response during that whole hurricane thingee.

The president says that we now (finally) “have the opportunity to build a bipartisan consensus to fight and win the war.” Past six years – no need/opportunity for compromise, listening, cooperation, planning. Now? Plenty of opportunity. It’s simple mathematics.

It is a fact that economies do best when you reward hard work by allowing people to keep more of what they have earned.
It’s a fact, jack!
It is also a fact that our tax cuts have fueled robust economic growth and record revenues.
Dude! Preachin’ to the choir here, brother! Give me those tasty, tasty tax cuts. I will take a bite and let the juices stream down my chin! I am livin’ the American dream! Oh, an aside, Mr. President – can y’all point the way to one of those offshore tax shelters? Right now, I am raking in all this dough, and frankly, I don’t want to pay taxes on any of it. Wherever Lord Vader put Halliburton is fine with me. Ah, but let's return to the story:
By continuing these policies, we can balance the federal budget by 2012 while funding our priorities and making the tax cuts permanent.
Sweet!! Damn, I ain’t never heard of no war that pays for itself while you cut taxes. Fuck me, this guy is a genius. I mean, think about it. He took a huge budget surplus, ran up the deficit to the highest it’s ever been, and the man is going to balance the budget only 12 years later. Watch your back, Pierce, pretty soon you might be the worst president ever once again!

But seriously, George. What can Congress really do for you? What do you need? What’s on your Amazon wish list?
It's time Congress give the president a line-item veto.
Awww, shit! Dude, you got a gigantic fucking pair of melons dangling between your legs. You spent the last 6 years ignoring the bills your own party passed with your signing statements and you ask the Democrats to give you a line-item veto? Wow. What’s left to say after that?
If the Congress chooses to pass bills that are simply political statements, they will have chosen stalemate. If a different approach is taken, the next two years can be fruitful ones for our nation.
I couldn’t agree more, Mr. President. I couldn’t agree more.

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