Reason Number 70021 Why CNN Sucks

This is front page news?

An Indiana pet store owner says he sees the image of Satan on the shell of a turtle that was the only survivor of a store fire in October.

And he knows it's Satan because... it looks just like all the pictures he's seen of Satan? Personally, I don't think it looks anything like Ann Coulter. Maybe he should get the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich, throw it in the turtle's bowl, and have his own little apocalyptic religious death-match.