Tuesday, April 25, 2006

How Do You Spell Relief?

Thank Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior for George W. Bush. W, in his infinite God-given wisdom, will deliver us from high gasoline prices. Mind you, he has no interest in "saving the world" or getting us into rehab for our "foreign oil habit." No, no, silly monkeys. He wants to make sure that you aren't so annoyed with high gas prices that you vote the GOP out of power in Congress. (A 32% approval rating will make you a little twitchy.)

So, toward that end, Bush is enacting another Bushian Remedy.

Bushian Remedy:
1) A policy initiative which will do nothing to solve the problem at hand, but have the appearance of great effort.
2) A complicated set of goals the point of which is to confuse the feeble-minded supporters of failed Republican president George W. Bush, while simultaneously enriching President Bush's friends and cronies.
3) (pejorative) Much ado about nothing.
Georgie-boy is going to stop sending oil to our national reserves and relax the environmental rules surrounding the production of gasoline. Whew! I almost thought he might do something hasty like stop price gouging by the oil companies. Oh, part of this particular B.R. is to look into illegal price gouging. Of course! What's a phony plan without a phony investigation into something? I am more concerned about the legal price gouging. The price gouging that allows ExxonMobil to have record breaking profits each and every quarter as long as gas prices get higher. The adherence to the religion of capitalism that says it's more important that fat fuck Lee Raymond gets to retire with a pension which pays him more than $140,000 per day to sit on his Jupiter-sized ass than to protect American consumers from paying 3, 4, 5 bucks a gallon for his gasoline.

Absent from the Bush plan is, of course, any new limits on gas mileage; an Apollo-style program to end our dependence on foreign oil like Brazil, Sweden, and Iceland; ending tax subsidies for oil companies; any call for sacrifice, personal responsibility, or public transportation improvement.

Nope – just more gas, more pollution, more of the same. God bless motherfucking America. Fuck everyone else, especially the next generation. Boy are they going to inherit one uninhabitable shit heap. Good thing we didn't put have to put down a security deposit on this hunkajunk.


Anonymous said...

But isn't Jesus the biggest campaign contributor to the Republican Party? Hey who would JHC vote for?

emeryroolz said...

Ugh, can you imagine the gunk underneath that guy's neck-wattle? I wonder if he inflates it as some sort of mating display...