Oh No You Didn't

Heads up, DVR devotees. You're about to be forced to watch the commercials.

The secret, according to a new patent filing, is to take advantage of Multimedia Home Platform - the technology behind interactive television in many countries around the world. MHP software now comes built into most modern digital TV receivers and recorders. It looks for digital flags buried in a broadcast, and displays messages on screen that let the viewer call up extra features, such as additional footage or information about a programme.

Philips suggests adding flags to commercial breaks to stop a viewer from changing channels until the adverts are over. The flags could also be recognised by digital video recorders, which would then disable the fast forward control while the ads are playing.

Listen close and listen hard, McDonalds, Nike, Chevy, and all the rest of you -- I will destroy my television and live on the fucking dark side of the moon before I ever ever let you make me watch one of your commercials again. Trust me when I say that forcing people to watch your commercials is the surest way I can think of to make certain they buy from your competitor.

May I make a humble suggestion? I know that you are suffering (poor babies) thanks to DVR. I understand! So, instead of not letting us fast forward, why don't you just have a little logo pop up on the screen during the fast-forward? This commercial-skip is brought to you by Camel Cigarettes. Damn, you look cool when you smoke Camels! Alright, I'm no copywriter, but you get my point. The first idea's free...

Step wisely, corporate overlords. Step wisely.