"I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down."
-- Conservative Family Values Leader Bill Bennett
I just wanted to remind you how truly evil these people are. In the meantime, Cecelie S. Berry goes into further detail.
Tell me, how terrifying is it that Bush appointed his good buddy (with privileges), Karen Hughes to work in the State Department? Not only is she frighteningly ignorant of the world, she apparently knows little about the United States as well. Check out this enlightening exchange that she herself recounts with an unnamed fer-ner while she was in Turkey. (Turkey is a country in the Middle East, if you’re as horrifyingly stupid as Bush’s pals).
QUESTION: Going back to the subject of the President, did anyone speak specifically about President Bush -- their feelings about him, objections to him?Do you think he said “never mind” because he knows that the word “god” appears in our Constitution a grand total of, um... let me count... yeah, zero times, and he didn’t want to embarrass her? Which is weird because as a member of BushCo, everyone knows she is incapable of shame.
UNDER SECRETARY HUGHES: I haven’t really heard a lot of that. I had one person at one lunch raise the issue of the President mentioning God in his speeches. And I asked whether he was aware that previous American presidents have also cited God, and that our Constitution cites "one nation under God." He said "well, never mind" and went on to something else. So he sort of was trying to equate that with the terrorists’ (inaudible). So I explained that I didn’t really think that was something you could equate. And he sort of dropped it and moved on. He was one of the opposition leaders in Egypt.
And it’s not those damned cherry blossoms. (I’m not a grouch, back off!)
No, it’s the Grand Ol’ Party. Plug your nose and read Salon’s Corruption Scorecard.
Wonkette discovers an interesting study in the London Times.
Religious belief can cause damage to a society, contributing towards high murder rates, abortion, sexual promiscuity and suicide, according to research published today.Believers also think that religion is necessary to prevent the horror of mass masturbation too. How’s that working out?
According to the study, belief in and worship of God are not only unnecessary for a healthy society but may actually contribute to social problems.
The study counters the view of believers that religion is necessary to provide the moral and ethical foundations of a healthy society.
“In general, higher rates of belief in and worship of a creator correlate with higher rates of homicide, juvenile and early adult mortality, STD infection rates, teen pregnancy and abortion in the prosperous democracies.Don’t ever let anyone tell you that we’re not spectacular.
“The United States is almost always the most dysfunctional of the developing democracies, sometimes spectacularly so.”
Mr. Paul said that rates of gonorrhoea in adolescents in the US were up to 300 times higher than in less devout democratic countries. The US also suffered from “uniquely high” adolescent and adult syphilis infection rates, and adolescent abortion rates, the study suggested.That is quite interesting indeed. So those godless heathen (but beautiful) Scandinavians, with their gay marriage and naked midsummer celebrations, have lower abortion and sexually transmitted disease rates than we do? I wonder if that has anything to do with our faith-based sex ed classes?
Mr. Paul said: “The study shows that England, despite the social ills it has, is actually performing a good deal better than the USA in most indicators, even though it is now a much less religious nation than America.”
He said that the disparity was even greater when the US was compared with other countries, including France, Japan and the Scandinavian countries. These nations had been the most successful in reducing murder rates, early mortality, sexually transmitted diseases and abortion, he added.
I have a feeling I'm going to be talking about this a lot. In any case, stories are coming out.
DeLay's attorney Steve Brittain said DeLay was accused of a criminal conspiracy along with two associates, John Colyandro, former executive director of a Texas political action committee formed by DeLay, and Jim Ellis, who heads DeLay's national political committee.Those annoying rules, eh Tom? You're the Hammer; why don't you just eliminate ethics rules?
"I have notified the speaker that I will temporarily step aside from my position as majority leader pursuant to rules of the House Republican Conference and the actions of the Travis County district attorney today," DeLay said.
Boy oh boy! Is your mouth watering? In Texas too. If he were a mentally handicapped minority child, he would be executed. But I guess jail time will be satisfying enough.
More information as it is made available...
Gas is expensive, isn’t it? It’s above $3.00/gallon. (When I turned 16, it was $.89/gallon, and I'm not that old!) That makes sense though. Through no fault of our own, there’s this war in the middle east. And through no fault of our own, we got kicked in the ass by a couple of bitch hurricanes. And by ass I mean the areas of the country where they drill for and refine petroleum, which through no fault of our own happen to smell like ass.
So what do we do? I mean these gas prices are a drain on our economy. People are spending all their money on gas instead of on like, groceries or blue jeans or iPods, you know? Luckily, we have a domestic policy genius in the White House. Bush in his infinite wisdom has asked a sacrifice of us, finally. He would like it if we could just for the love of God, stop using so much gas. It’s expensive!!
Meanwhile, back in the depths of hell, Exxon Mobil has recorded the highest level of profit in the history of capitalism. So I have a question for you, Americans. In a time of crisis, who should pay? The victims of disasters, the citizens of America, and by proxy, the world? Or the oil companies who are recording not just record profits for them, but the highest profits ever recorded? We know how Bush would answer who has a few friends to answer to. But what do you think? Would it be unthinkable for Bush to ask the oil companies to lower their profit margins in the interest of the U.S. economy?
For the record, I don't even have a car. I just, you know, care about America.
George W. Bush - former cokehead/boozehound now only former cokehead.
Faced with the biggest crisis of his political life, President Bush has hit the bottle again, The National Enquirer can reveal.Jesus, is that all it takes? "And cuz they gots nucular weapons, that's why we need to invade Switzerland." "Stop, George." "Yeah, heh heh... OK."
Bush, who said he quit drinking the morning after his 40th birthday, has started boozing amid the Katrina catastrophe.
Family sources have told how the 59-year-old president was caught by First Lady Laura downing a shot of booze at their family ranch in Crawford, Texas, when he learned of the hurricane disaster.
His worried wife yelled at him: "Stop, George."
A Washington source said: "The sad fact is that he has been sneaking drinks for weeks now. Laura may have only just caught him — but the word is his drinking has been going on for a while in the capital. He's been in a pressure cooker for months.It's not because it's in the National Enquirer that I don't believe this. I don’t believe it because I think they're just trying to be over-the-top dramatic about how much Bush "cares" about the poor people. It's bullshit.
"The war in Iraq, the loss of American lives, has deeply affected him. He takes every soldier's life personally. It has left him emotionally drained.
The result is he's taking drinks here and there, likely in private, to cope. "And now with the worst domestic crisis in his administration over Katrina, you pray his drinking doesn't go out of control."
Another source said: "A family member told me they fear George is 'falling apart.' The First Lady has been assigned the job of gatekeeper."Is Secretary of Sobriety a cabinet level position?
Age 26 in 1972, he reportedly rounded off a night's boozing with his 16-year-old brother Marvin by challenging his father to a fight.Was his father head of the CIA at that time? W is lucky he didn't get a bullet to the back of his head when he least expected it.
OK, get out your attention span hat. It might not have the cache of a blowjob, but it’s pretty serious. The first of (hopefully) many an arrest - the Bush administration’s top procurement official, David Safavian.
Safavian, 38, who oversaw $300 billion in federal procurement for President George W. Bush, quit Friday after an FBI operation alleged he obstructed an investigation and tried to finagle a government deal for a friend. He was appointed in 2004.What do you think? Does it go all the way to the top? To DeLay? Is Karl Rove involved? Is golf a gateway sport that always leads to corruption? Stay tuned.
Yet what is most significant about Safavian's case isn't Safavian himself. It’s the fact that he was arrested -- and that emails he sent to conservative superlobbyist Jack Abramoff indicated that those on the trip knew that a trip to Scotland in 2002 was being paid for by the lobbyist.
An email sent by Safavian appears to indicate that the powerful Rep. Bob Ney (R-OH) lied when he said he was "duped" by Abramoff and lied again on financial disclosure forms when he said that a nonprofit had paid for the trip, RAW STORY has found.
I watched Bush's speech last night. Did you? I wasn't going to say anything about it because I figured he wouldn't say anything. He didn't. But he still pissed me off. So to get it out of my system like salmonella:
As all of us saw on television, there is also some deep, persistent poverty in this region as well. And that poverty has roots in a history of racial discrimination, which cut off generations from the opportunity of America. We have a duty to confront this poverty with bold action.Oh, you noticed that too? Yeah, funny how they have to starve and riot to catch your attention. One (not me) might suspect that perhaps you and your party have actually served to exacerbate the racial discrimination with your policies. In fact, one (not me) might even suggest that you and your party have cynically and skillfully exploited that history to serve your own political ends.
Tonight I propose the creation of a Gulf Opportunity Zone, encompassing the region of the disaster in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. Within this zone, we should provide immediate incentives for job-creating, investment tax relief for small businesses, incentives to companies that create jobs, and loans and loan guarantees for small businesses, including minority-owned enterprises, to get them up and running again. It is entrepreneurship that creates jobs and opportunity, it is entrepreneurship that helps break the cycle of poverty and we will take the side of entrepreneurs as they lead the economic revival of the Gulf region.Oh! Oh! BINGO! Like five minutes in - tax breaks for businesses. Who could have seen that coming? And I wonder how Bush's good friends are going to make out? Halliburton? Bechtel? Bush's old buddy Joseph Allbaugh? How about eliminating those pesky labor protections? Oh yeah. Bush truly is a man of the people.
Army Corps of Engineers will work at their side to make the flood protection system stronger than it has ever been.Yeah. That's nice. After everybody dies, you're all, "Hey! Did you notice? New Orleans is, like, totally below sea level. Let's reinforce the levees!" A good leader... No. An adequate leader prepares for things in advance. This fool fixes his mistakes after everyone is dead. Except, you know, he doesn't, does he? This is a step up for him. Not that I expect him to actually do anything this time either...
In a time of terror threats and weapons of mass destruction, the danger to our citizens reaches much wider than a fault line or a flood plain. I consider detailed emergency planning to be a national security priority. Therefore, I have ordered the Department of Homeland Security to undertake an immediate review, in cooperation with local counterparts, of emergency plans in every major city in America.Good God. This agency just started and they already have to have a review to fix it? How useless is this group of jokers? This is what happens when you push knee-jerk legislation through after a national disaster. Think, you guys! Think!
When the federal government fails to meet such an obligation, I, as President, am responsible for the problem, and for the solution.Yeah, that's exactly the... wait a minute... What did he just say?
When the federal government fails to meet such an obligation, I, as President, am responsible for the problem, and for the solution. So I have ordered every Cabinet secretary to participate in a comprehensive review of the government response to the hurricane.Oh! I get it. He's taking responsibility so he can be all, "My bad! I'll take care of it. I'll buy you a new one, don't worry about it. Don't get crazy and hire any lawyers or investigators or anything." Get off my back, in other words. George W. Bush -- the only man capable of twisting taking responsibility for something into weaseling.
It’s a short fourteen months away, but check it out – religious nutcase, and oh yeah, Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum is way behind his Democratic challenger in the polls.
Some days you feel like Nicholas Kristof and other days like the Farrelly Brothers. Today must be the latter.
Jessica Simpson, courtesy of Urban Humor.
They got a crazy-ass wingding going down in New York this week, and I’m not talking about Fashion Week. Every leader on this planet (and a few others, I’m told) has been shooting the shit over at the UN. I haven’t personally been privy to the deliberations, (they can beg and beg, but there’s no way in hell I’m going east of Lex), but I’m pretty sure they’re doing nothing less than saving the world.
Take this, for example. The President of the United States, noted statesman, esteemed intellectual, and highly regarded leader of the free world, passes a note (do you like how they only give him a #2 pencil? Not even one of them fancypants Office of the President pens?) to his secretary of state, or as Bush calls her - The RZA.
As you can see, and as Editor & Publisher writes, the president needs to take a shit. But the thing is, none of this is fair. We’re laughing and thinking – that Bush, he’s such a dope. He’s bored; he’s scribbling notes; he’s not paying any attention. Hell, his translator earpiece is probably playing SpongeBob cartoons. Why didn’t we just send a cardboard cutout and a ham sandwich? That’s what people are going to be thinking.
But not me. I know him. I know that his mind is a steel trap. Forever two, three steps ahead of mere mortals like you and me and Steven Seagal. As you can see, he’s asking if he may please go to the bathroom. But under that he’s written, “Do you think it would be possible…” And therein lies his master strategy – Do you think it would be possible to drop a fat load on Iran’s desk? Further investigation might reveal that President Bush had three bran muffins in the limo on the way to the party and has made numerous trips to the coffee cart since the meeting started. You see? The man has been planning “Operation Fecal Freedom” for weeks now.
The guy’s like fucking Yoda of Realpolitik! Can we, for the love of God, eliminate term limits??
As reported in Salon, an open letter to the Kansas School Board from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
Salon's War Room found a good one today from the Roberts hearing:
ROBERTS: Senator, I was a staff lawyer. I didn't have a position.Republicans will be Republicans.
The administration had a position, and the administration's position was the two-fold position that you set forth. First, Title IX applies. Second, it applies to the office, the admissions office...
BIDEN: Only to the office, right? It applies narrowly?
SPECTER: Now, wait a minute. Let him finish his answer, Senator Biden.
BIDEN: His answers are misleading, with all due respect.
SPECTER: Well...
(CROSSTALK)
SPECTER: Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. They may be misleading, but they are his answers.
FEMA chief Michael Brown resigns. Let me guess… To spend more time with your family?
To put a bookend on the week, I’ve been reflecting on the Katrina disaster and what it represents. It’s such a hot topic for Democrats and others to pounce on not because they’re interested in playing a so-called “blame game.” They’re doing it because this disaster is a metaphorical microcosm of literally every problem with the Bush administration from day one. I’m certain this has been done on numerous websites and in numerous ways, but here’s my list of everything that’s wrong with these chuckleheads.
It’s horrible to have to sit here and think about everything Bush has done wrong to intensify the suffering. But it’s necessary. It’s the sort of thing that has to be said publicly to either shame him from ever letting it happen again, or god-willing to wake the American people up to the incompetent fools they’ve installed in the White House, so that the people may see to it that they don’t let it happen again.Incompetence Cronyism – Bush hired some old chum of his who had absolutely no experience in disaster management to head up FEMA. Unhealthy relationship with reality – As in Iraq, BushCo go on TV and talk about how great it’s going, while a split screen on CNN shows people rioting and bodies floating in the street. FEMA chief Michael "Brownie" Brown had to be told by a news anchor that evacuees were staying in the Superdome two days after they’d been showing it on every cable news channel. Hoping for the best instead of preparing for the worst – As in Iraq, they all assumed the best case scenario about the hurricane and were flat out shocked when it didn't go as they predicted. Bush even had the gall to say, “no one expected the levees to break” despite scientists saying for years that the levees would break in anything higher than a category three storm. Papers did nine-part exposes on the levees. The truth is that everyone expected the levees to break. Diverting resources from the people most in need to the people least in need – Bush cut taxes on the rich, while the Army Corps of Engineers was begging for more financing to reinforce the levees. Bush reduced the financing for work on the levees every year he passed a budget. Oh yeah, and he chopped FEMA down in size as well. Ignoring the increasing disparity between the rich and the poor - Remember the hopelessly corrupt bankruptcy bill passed by congress a few months back? Remember how the Republicans were blaming most bankruptcies on ignorant slobs who run up their credit cards, buy every luxury known to man and then declare bankruptcy screwing over those helpless multinational creditors, laughing all the way to the bank? Do you want to take a guess at the sort of person who is actually prevented from declaring bankruptcy by that bill? I’ll give you a hint – many will be sleeping in the Astrodome for the next few months, and most likely in the street after that. Corruption – Already Halliburton has gotten some sort of big money contract. Their top priority is PR instead of doing actual work – They won’t even let journalists into the disaster area any more. Wouldn’t want the people to see the reality of bodies on the ground. The second priority is oil – Gotta get that oil flowin’ again… Blaming others instead of the buck stopping at the top – It was the Louisiana governor who didn’t declare a state of emergency fast enough (she did). She didn’t ask for troops fast enough (she did). Accusing everyone else of pointing fingers instead of listening to legitimate criticism - As Jon Stewart said the other night, anyone accusing others of playing the “blame game” is probably to blame. Intellectual and the regular kind of laziness – Not only did no one look into what sort of disaster this might end up being, the president stayed on vacation for like three days after it happened for crying out loud! Let’s not forget how he was on vacation when the famous 9/11 PDB was ignored too. Those are just the odds when you spend half the year clearing brush. No one is ever accountable – The president is going to investigate what went wrong. This is the solution, to investigate their own mistakes. Mr. President? You have a question, me? Why, yes I do. Why did you hire my blatantly unqualified old drinking buddy to head FEMA? Who, Brownie? He’s a good man. Good enough for me. Wanna grab an O’Doul’s? Yee-haw! Diverting our human and financial resources to our military misadventures instead of doing necessary work at home – Money and troops in Iraq instead of at home where they were needed. The only thing Bush/Rove consider worth doing is something you can see, clearly point to, and take credit for – Why fix levees? That’s snoresville. There probably won’t be a hurricane. Now, getting rid of the estate tax, that’s something people can rally around. Take away grandma’s social security? That’ll get some points. Keep a dead woman attached to some machine? Get my private jet!! The working class are figuratively left behind by the policies of the Bush administration and literally left behind to drown and starve in a natural disaster.
What is Martha Stewart saying on her new hour-long product placement television show? You just don’t fit in here?
Federal Emergency Management Agency Director Michael Brown is being removed from his role managing Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, The Associated Press has learned.Is it possible that being the head of the International Arabian Horse Association doesn’t prepare you to clean up after a massive natural disaster? At least he’s used to getting fired for being ”an unmitigated, total fucking disaster.”
Brown is being sent back to Washington from Baton Rouge, where he was the primary official overseeing the federal government's response to the disaster, according to two federal officials who declined to be identified before the announcement.
What is the meaning of freedom?
Is it the government forbidding journalists from reporting the news?
Or is it telling the vice president to go fuck himself on live television? Oh yes. Watch the video at Crooks and Liars.
Perhaps this will be the new DoG paradigm. Two contrasting stories - one a terrible travesty and the other a humorous anecdote or happening. When you leave, you’re not quite sure what you’ve witnessed, but you feel a little sick to your stomach.
The Jeffersonian (whose girlfriend’s parents are among the Louisiana evacuees. They’re as ok as you might expect, which is to say alive, let’s wish them the best.), sent me the new Project Censored list of most overlooked (ignored) stories of the last year.
Here are the headlines, but you should read the whole thing:
1) Bush administration moves to eliminate open government.What's a little coverup among friends?
2) Media coverage fails on Iraq: Fallujah and the civilian death toll.
3) Another year of distorted election coverage.
4) Surveillance society quietly moves in.
5) US uses tsunami to military advantage in Southeast Asia.
6) The real oil-for-food scam.
7) Journalists face unprecedented dangers to life and livelihood.
8) Iraqi farmers threatened by Bremer's mandates.
9) Iran's new oil trade system challenges US currency.
10) Mountaintop removal threatens ecosystem and economy.
I’ve been over this, but this article pretty much sums up everything Bush did wrong over the last five years which when put together with last week’s events, caused thousands of unnecessary deaths.
Mr. President, it’s not your job to be perfect or to control the weather. But it is your job to protect the American people to the best of your admittedly limited ability. Your incompetence in the days following the hurricane aside, your lack of preparation and in fact your efforts to undermine all sensible steps being made to prepare is impeachable negligence.
What’s been going on lately? Let’s take a quick look:
The first lady gave a press conference at a refugee camp in Lafayette, Louisiana. At one point she said, "This doesn't really look like what we're seeing on television."
It got me to thinking. As people complain more frequently about the inadequate preparation for this sort of disaster and the almost criminally slow reaction of the federal government, do you think the president is going to rely on his Iraq excuses? "We're making progress." "The news media is only focused on the terrible scenes instead of showing the one neighborhood where people aren't running around in wild packs desperately trying to steal gas and water from each other."
I’ll take a moment away from the snarky fun you’re used to and get preachy for a minute. It’s getting worse down there, not better. Shooting at rescue workers? Shutting down rescue operations because there are just too many clamoring people? It’s horrifying.
They need our help. Money, specifically.
Charity Navigator
It’s a little donation primer and database of charities. Don’t get scammed by assholes on the phone and you know the drill...
Also, directly:
American Red Cross
Direct Relief International
Try to chip in. Unlike 9/11, to name another tragedy, their death toll keeps rising instead of slowing down. They need stuff. A lot of stuff.
I’ll get back to the snark again soon. I promise.
