Friday, September 16, 2005

A Man With a Plan

I watched Bush's speech last night. Did you? I wasn't going to say anything about it because I figured he wouldn't say anything. He didn't. But he still pissed me off. So to get it out of my system like salmonella:

As all of us saw on television, there is also some deep, persistent poverty in this region as well. And that poverty has roots in a history of racial discrimination, which cut off generations from the opportunity of America. We have a duty to confront this poverty with bold action.
Oh, you noticed that too? Yeah, funny how they have to starve and riot to catch your attention. One (not me) might suspect that perhaps you and your party have actually served to exacerbate the racial discrimination with your policies. In fact, one (not me) might even suggest that you and your party have cynically and skillfully exploited that history to serve your own political ends.
Tonight I propose the creation of a Gulf Opportunity Zone, encompassing the region of the disaster in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. Within this zone, we should provide immediate incentives for job-creating, investment tax relief for small businesses, incentives to companies that create jobs, and loans and loan guarantees for small businesses, including minority-owned enterprises, to get them up and running again. It is entrepreneurship that creates jobs and opportunity, it is entrepreneurship that helps break the cycle of poverty and we will take the side of entrepreneurs as they lead the economic revival of the Gulf region.
Oh! Oh! BINGO! Like five minutes in - tax breaks for businesses. Who could have seen that coming? And I wonder how Bush's good friends are going to make out? Halliburton? Bechtel? Bush's old buddy Joseph Allbaugh? How about eliminating those pesky labor protections? Oh yeah. Bush truly is a man of the people.
Army Corps of Engineers will work at their side to make the flood protection system stronger than it has ever been.
Yeah. That's nice. After everybody dies, you're all, "Hey! Did you notice? New Orleans is, like, totally below sea level. Let's reinforce the levees!" A good leader... No. An adequate leader prepares for things in advance. This fool fixes his mistakes after everyone is dead. Except, you know, he doesn't, does he? This is a step up for him. Not that I expect him to actually do anything this time either...
In a time of terror threats and weapons of mass destruction, the danger to our citizens reaches much wider than a fault line or a flood plain. I consider detailed emergency planning to be a national security priority. Therefore, I have ordered the Department of Homeland Security to undertake an immediate review, in cooperation with local counterparts, of emergency plans in every major city in America.
Good God. This agency just started and they already have to have a review to fix it? How useless is this group of jokers? This is what happens when you push knee-jerk legislation through after a national disaster. Think, you guys! Think!
When the federal government fails to meet such an obligation, I, as President, am responsible for the problem, and for the solution.
Yeah, that's exactly the... wait a minute... What did he just say?
When the federal government fails to meet such an obligation, I, as President, am responsible for the problem, and for the solution. So I have ordered every Cabinet secretary to participate in a comprehensive review of the government response to the hurricane.
Oh! I get it. He's taking responsibility so he can be all, "My bad! I'll take care of it. I'll buy you a new one, don't worry about it. Don't get crazy and hire any lawyers or investigators or anything." Get off my back, in other words. George W. Bush -- the only man capable of twisting taking responsibility for something into weaseling.

Poor New Orleans.

1 comment:

Matthew Smith said...

You know its a cold day in Crawford when even Fox News starts to distance itself from the President. This morning, I heard Shep (no relation) Smith almost criticize the man...yikes.

While you touched on the major flaws about Bush and his speech, it was the little things that got to me. You know, like his 800 number to help people find lost loved ones. Hey, that would have been a great idea -- THE DAY AFTER KATRINA STRUCK. I'm sure there are a few more "reunited and it feels so good" stories to be reported (© 1979 Peaches and Herb), but the sad fact is that most folks who haven't yet found friends and family never will. Oh yeah, there's also the fact that it is difficult for one to call an 800 number with NO WORKING PHONE SERVICE! Maybe there can be emergency connection carrier pigeons.