Thursday, September 15, 2005

Exploding International, The Scenes, The Sounds


They got a crazy-ass wingding going down in New York this week, and I’m not talking about Fashion Week. Every leader on this planet (and a few others, I’m told) has been shooting the shit over at the UN. I haven’t personally been privy to the deliberations, (they can beg and beg, but there’s no way in hell I’m going east of Lex), but I’m pretty sure they’re doing nothing less than saving the world.

Take this, for example. The President of the United States, noted statesman, esteemed intellectual, and highly regarded leader of the free world, passes a note (do you like how they only give him a #2 pencil? Not even one of them fancypants Office of the President pens?) to his secretary of state, or as Bush calls her - The RZA.

As you can see, and as Editor & Publisher writes, the president needs to take a shit. But the thing is, none of this is fair. We’re laughing and thinking – that Bush, he’s such a dope. He’s bored; he’s scribbling notes; he’s not paying any attention. Hell, his translator earpiece is probably playing SpongeBob cartoons. Why didn’t we just send a cardboard cutout and a ham sandwich? That’s what people are going to be thinking.

But not me. I know him. I know that his mind is a steel trap. Forever two, three steps ahead of mere mortals like you and me and Steven Seagal. As you can see, he’s asking if he may please go to the bathroom. But under that he’s written, “Do you think it would be possible…” And therein lies his master strategy – Do you think it would be possible to drop a fat load on Iran’s desk? Further investigation might reveal that President Bush had three bran muffins in the limo on the way to the party and has made numerous trips to the coffee cart since the meeting started. You see? The man has been planning “Operation Fecal Freedom” for weeks now.

The guy’s like fucking Yoda of Realpolitik! Can we, for the love of God, eliminate term limits??

7 comments:

Mike said...

Easy there Slappy...

There's no proof that he actually wrote it... According to the article you linked to he may have just been "responding" to it. Did anyone get the supposed "bathroom break" on camera? O'Reilly said he had proof that the note was actually written by the French and Bush was just being polite "because that's the kind of man he is, not that I'm shilling for him or anything".

Let's not jump to conclusions!

Michael Grant said...

Yes because truth in reporting is our top priority here at DoG. Here's a correction if you're scoring at home.
Neither the editors nor the sources of DoG have conclusive evidence that the president poops.

If any evidence is discovered, please send it to Mike for verification. His address is...

mike said...

I heard that Gannon got proof with his upskirt camera and actually broke the story...

Matthew Smith said...

If Bush poops -- and I can neither confirm nor deny that he does -- rest assured, they are confident, terror-hating, God-fearing poops.

I like it how the man's supposed strength is his decisiveness, yet he expresses doubt THREE times in his signed permission slip: "I *think* I *may* need a bathroom break *?*" Way to know your body, Dubs...

emeryroolz said...

I can assure you that this President does not poop like a normal man. His poop all comes out of his mouth. Usually in front of TV cameras.

Michael Grant said...

It's like The New Yorker around here today.

Matthew Smith said...

I feel remoresful for talking about the President, his poops and overal stupidity. After all, the man just found out he was surpassed by his wife for "dumbest dipshit in the White House".

http://www.di-links.com/link2019.html