Another Bloomie Boner

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking - Hey, dude! Right now, we’ve got the president doing the exact same thing about Iran as he did a few years back about Iraq. And the press is just as credulous (or complicit) as before. The Democrats have taken over the House and Senate yet remain as feckless as ever, the Senate unable to even allow themselves to debate whether or not they think Bush has his head completely up his own ass. But you keep talking about the diminutive mayor of New York City. What’s up with that?

Good question, loyal DoGger. I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I think it might be that Bush, a complete douchebag to be sure, is pretty much the same as always - the same boring douchebaggery day after day. But Bloomberg finds new and exciting ways to tell us that we’re little more than his menial subjects to be taxed, jailed, and told to eat cake. And while Bush will always have a base of complete morons who have no problem with sending wave after wave of soldiers to their death and disfigurement, Bloomberg is taking the side of issues that literally no one can support - he’s come out as pro-child frostbite, anti-electricity for the plebs, anti-anyone’s opinion, and now best of all, he’s taking a pro-parking ticket during snowstorms stance. How can you beat that?

As drivers dug themselves out from Wednesday’s modest but messy snowstorm, Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg found himself on the defensive over the city’s decision not to suspend alternate-side parking rules. That move had residents complaining that their cars were ticketed after plows buried them in snow.

The mayor was at times curt, testy and defensive as he answered questions from reporters at a Sanitation Department garage in Woodside, Queens, yesterday, even suggesting that New Yorkers stop “griping” about the situation.

Stop your yappin’, you whining sissies! I didn’t hear my driver, butler or handmaids complaining when I asked them to take the limo out of the garage! Geez!

“It wasn’t like you had a couple of feet of snow, where you really couldn’t physically move your car,” he said. “You had to put on galoshes and go out there and move it.”

Galoshes? Does he mean rubbers? Anyway, Hizzoner is right that there were only a few inches of snow. What he neglects to mention is that it was hard as a fucking rock and completely unmeltable. People were out there with pickaxes trying to chip it away like Michelangelo working on David. And I’d like Mayor B to tell the people who were trapped on planes for ten hours that the storm was a tiny little nothing of a storm. There are still folks camped out in the airport.

But hey - if you don’t have a private jet, consider yourself lucky I let you sleep on the floor.