Cured!

Good news, Jesus freaks and homophobes! Our favorite gay hypocrite and meth junkie is now all man, baby! Fathers, lock up your daughters!

One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

There’s nothing like five men sitting around behind closed doors for days on end to quell the urge to suck dick. I’m completely confident that this will work perfectly, and they have cast those faggoty demons back to hell. Let’s face it, these heteroversions never fail.