Monday, May 08, 2006

Seriously, Get Some Help. We're Worried About You


I saw that story about Bush saying the best thing that's happened to him in the last five years was that he caught some big fish one time. I considered writing something about how much of a fucking hillbilly he is that he would specifically single out some fish he remembers catching, and also, you know, the obvious – that the guy was effectively running the world for a few years there, and nothing better than some fucking perch happened to him? That was better than making John McCain his bitch in 2004? Better than dodging the draft and then getting the press to buy into his storyline of a thrice-decorated war hero being a coward and a traitor? Better than getting his lapdog on the Supreme Court?

I thought better of it. Calling Bush a redneck is so 5 minutes ago.

But when I read that even the goddamned fish is a lie?

The only problem is that the world's record for the largest freshwater perch caught is 4 pounds 3 ounces.

So Bush either doubled the world record, and didn't report it, or he's a liar.
Well, I had to say something. It's fucking pathological! Is George W. Bush even his real name? Is he married to a librarian? Does he really have a set of coke fiend twin daughters? Who the fuck knows?

3 comments:

Matthew Smith said...

Why would he lie...about his daughters being coke fiends? If he really wanted street cred, he would say they were H junkies, or maybe crystal meth.

Thomas Pain said...

Reminiscent of Bush naming The Very Hungry Caterpillar as his "favorite book from childhood" though it was published when he was 23.

emeryroolz said...

Or when he said he watched the first plane hit the world trade center on TV before going to read that goat book to those kids, even though there was no footage of the first plane hitting until around 6 pm that day.