If Only They Had Studied the Iraq Intelligence This Thoroughly

Good news everyone! Well, ok, bad news, technically. A study commissioned by the Bush Administration...

concluded yesterday that the lower atmosphere was indeed growing warmer and that there was "clear evidence of human influences on the climate system."

The finding eliminates a significant area of uncertainty in the debate over global warming, one that the administration has long cited as a rationale for proceeding cautiously on what it says would be costly limits on emissions of heat-trapping gases.

Awesome, right? Now we can get on with the business of actually doing something about the fact that we're destroying our ability to live on the planet, right? Right?!

But White House officials noted that this was just the first of 21 assessments planned by the federal Climate Change Science Program, which was created by the administration in 2002 to address what it called unresolved questions. The officials said that while the new finding was important, the administration's policy remained focused on studying the remaining questions and using voluntary means to slow the growth in emissions of heat-trapping gases like carbon dioxide.

Ok, well, 1 study down, only 20 more to go. You know, it kinda reminds me of what I do when I have like a million things I have to get done, but I don't want to do any of them. I'll sit down and make a list of all the things I need to do. You know, like "Mow the lawn," "Clean the garage," Clean the bathroom," "Go to the grocery store," stuff like that. Then I'll usually add some really stupid, easy stuff, such as "Make a list of things I need to do" and "Renew library books" and "Set DVR to record The Venture Brothers." Then I'll finish the list, so I can check "Make list of things to do" off. Then I'll push about 4 buttons on the remote to set up the DVR recording. Then I'll hop on-line for about 2 seconds and renew my books so I can cross that off too. Hell, now I've already got THREE things done from the list! It's Miller time, baby! So I grab a beer and play Xbox for about 6 hours. Meanwhile the lawn is obscuring the entire first story of the house, the car won't fit in the garage, new life is being born in the shower grout, and I have nothing in the fridge except beer. But I've successfully avoided doing everything I know I have to do but don't want to, and justified my procrastination by making it seem like I've actually made some sort of progress. Neat, huh?

So, there you have it. The Bush Administration is running our climate policy the same way some slacker doofus runs his life. The difference is that I have a lovely wife who will take care of all that stuff (or kick my ass until I take care of it myself). Bush, unfortunately, is like a bachelor whose disinterested loser friends (Congress, the courts, the EPA) say, "Whatever dude, that's cool" to anything he decides. So thanks for procrastinating us all into oblivion, George!