New Rule!
Printed in its entirety, here is Bill Maher's take on abstinence-only:
Abstinence pledges suck -- literallyNext to The Daily Show, Real Time with Bill Maher is the best political commentary on TV. It's live on Fridays at 11pm (Eastern). Watch it.
As news spreads that teens who pledge chastity have lots more kinky sex, millions of aging boomers ask: Where was Bush when I was in high school?
New Rule: Abstinence pledges make you horny. A new eight-year study just released reveals that American teenagers who take "virginity" pledges of the sort so favored by the Bush administration wind up with just as many STDs as the other kids.
But that's not all -- taking the pledges also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and a boy four times more likely to get anal. Which leads me to an important question: where were these pledges when I was in high school?
Seriously, when I was a teenager, the only kids having anal intercourse were the ones who missed. My idea of lubrication was oiling my bike chain. If I had known I could have been getting porn star sex the same year I took Algebra II, simply by joining up with the Christian right, I'd have been so down with Jesus they would have had to pry me out of the pew.
For a bunch of teens raised on creationism, these red state kids today are pretty evolved -- sexually, anyway, and for that they can thank all who joined forces to try and legislate away human nature, specifically the ineluctable urge of teenagers to hump.
Yes, the "What do we tell the children?" crowd apparently decided not to tell them anything. Because people who talk about pee-pees are potty-mouths. And so armed with limited knowledge, and believing regular, vaginal intercourse to be either immaculate or filthy dirty, these kids did with their pledge what everybody does with contracts: they found loopholes. Two of them to be exact.
Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian Right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly scrubbed boyfriends: "Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. Then I'll blow you." Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.
There's a lot worse things than teenagers having sex, namely, teenagers NOT having sex. Here's something you'll never hear: "That suicide bomber blew himself up because he was having too much sex. Sex, sex, sex, non-stop. All that crazy Arab ever had was sex, and look what happened."
Well, that's our story -- of how faith and the party of smaller government combined to turn your kids into a generation of super-freaks. Which shouldn't be surprising: Prohibition didn't work, "Just say no" didn't work, and I understand there's a host of Americans who illegally obtain and smoke marijuana. They're the ones who've been giggling every time I say anal sex.
2 comments:
If you read the study carefully you will find that the authors have cunningly compared those who take abstinance pledges with those people who DO NOT ENGAGE IN VAGINAL INTERCOURSE. They quote percentages but DO NOT compare Absinance Pledgers with sexually active non pledgers
That is how they get their numbers. The report which you are blogging on and Bill Maher has written about is Pure JUNK SCIENCE and an appalling misuse of American Taxpayer dollars.
Are virgins really at risk from STDS?
a) It was a joke, Carol. Funny!
b) I read your link, and you (and he) are missing the point of the study. Andy S there thinks that the study should compare pledge-taking virgins with non-virgins and see who has the most anal sex. But that wasn't the point of the study. They were trying to find out what happens to pledge-taking virgins compared to what happens to non-pledge virgins.
To put it another way - abstinence pledges work until they don't work. Kids are going to have sex. This study simply shows that when the non-pledgers have sex for the first time, they do it white bread vaginal style. When the pledgers finally give in, they ask for it in the back door, and continue gettin' their superfreak on, presumably until marriage. And to me at least, that makes no sense.
Let me ask you this - does this study at least make you want to talk to your kids and make sure you define "abstinence" a little better?
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