Get Well, Get Well Soon, We Wish You To Get Well…

Chief Justice Roberts had a bit of a spill and I hope he’s ok.

I guess in a perfect world, I would hope that he’s well enough not to die, but not well enough to go back to work, but well enough that he wouldn’t feel compelled to step down until 2009 when his sick days ran out.

Oh, no wait! In a perfect world his little seizure would have scrambled his brain just enough such that he kept all his lawyerly schooling and whatnot, but he stopped being a conservabot automaton, reflexively voting in favor of whatever the right-wing powers-that-be have predetermined to be his position. That would be the perfect world. (And he also developed an X-Men style mutation that caused heavy bricks to repeatedly fall onto any condescending Italian Catholic jurists in his vicinity. Yeah!!)

But alas, I doubt it. I’m sure he’ll be fine and back at work undermining the constitution in no time. Whatever. Any excuse to show that picture of his kid getting’ jiggy wit’ it, am I right?

Meet the Mets

The Tigers are my team. I just wanted to say that up front. However, years ago I moved from Detroit to New York and you know how it is when you’re in a new town, you start following the local sports as well. Needless to say, the Yankees are evil personified and represent all that is wrong with baseball (even more than Barry Bonds!), so I started going to Mets games. As such, they have become my second favorite team, conveniently located in the National League so as to avoid too many uncomfortable series.

That said, Shea Stadium is an absolute dump. It’s too big. It’s got that boring cookie-cutter design from the 60s. You’re too far away even in the good seats. The good news for Mets fans is that they are building a new home right next door. And there is a movement afoot to save the Home Run Apple in the outfield (pictured right) and transplant it in the new stadium. I approve of this movement and ask that you join them.

Save The Apple.com

One of my favorite things about old Tiger Stadium, where I practically grew up, was that the flagpole was in the outfield in fair territory. There was a line painted on it above which was a home run. When they moved to Comerica Park, where the Tigers play now, they put the new flagpole in fair territory. Comerica is really nice, and Tiger Stadium was a dump (in the way a 100-year-old building is a dump), but Tiger Stadium had something Shea would never have - rich character steeped in history. As sad as it was to have to leave behind the ol’ ballpark on Michigan and Trumball, it was nice to have the continuation of the flagpole you could kill yourself on chasing a fly ball in the sparkly-shiny new place. Makes the transition easier. (Note - they moved the fences in and the pole is now out of play, but you get my point.)

Let’s hope they do the same for new Shea.

Captain Footloose

Giuliani is becoming a bigger and bigger douchebag. Things come flying out of his mouth lately with no sense of rhyme or reason. Take today for example. Generalissimo Rudy says that the Democrats want a nanny government. That Democrats think the government knows better than you do how to live your life.

Ironic coming from a man who banned dancing in New York City and worked his ass off to protect New Yorkers from the unease of seeing a poopy painting.

Funny thing is, a nanny might do him some good. Maybe she could prevent him from hiring criminals and perverts, stop him from making catastrophically idiotic decisions, and maybe put on a freakin’ pair of pants for crying out loud.

His first of three wives was his cousin. It has nothing to do with anything, I’m just saying… He’s creepy…

Priorities

The Bush administration subpoenas Michael Moore for bringing sick people to Cuba, (the law in question being a relic of the Cold War, and an illogical one at that).

Honoring the subpoenas issued by the United States Congress? Not so much.

The Entire Story Of The War In Iraq (Abridged)

In an interview for Business Week, Condoleezza Rice says,

I don't know what I'll do long-term. I'm a terrible long-term planner.

It’s a good thing her job in the State Department only requires her to wing it...

I’m Old! I’m Confused! I Thought I Paid For These Already! Where Am I?

I don’t even know where to begin with David Brooks’ Tuesday column. Actually, I do. You see, he begins his column with lyrics from some current pop songs by Avril Lavigne, Pink, and some American Idol chickee. Whatever, I’m old too, and I’ve only heard one of the songs. But these songs are about young women who go out without escorts, enjoy getting drunk and generally act unladylike. Brooks goes on to say that this is all due to computers and MySpace and text messaging, and most of all - girls not getting married before 30 and not wearing chastity belts before marriage as it was back in the previous aught-seven.

Dana Goldstein cleverly points out that both Avril and Pink are under thirty and married. Touché.

I would also like to add that The Beatles didn’t actually live in a Yellow Submarine, nor was Mr. Roboto in point of fact, Kilroy. He was just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control. Beyond his control. (Ask your parents.)

And all that is very cute. But the most interesting point to me is that on the very same day that Brooks is acting like he’s 150 years old, getting his panties in a twist over a lyricist who thinks “makes me go oh-oh” is not like, so whatever, the New York Observer is running a piece about the so-called New Victorians. It’s a story about the new trend of 20-something New Yorkers like Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams getting married early, running up real estate prices in Brooklyn by settling down in fancy brownstones, lumbering around town with their Maclaren prams and generally eating all the sushi in Park Slope. All the while managing to make it to age 30 without slashing tires or whoring around town.

So… I guess the questions is - How out of touch is David Brooks? Grandpa and Nana out of touch? Ronald Reagan out of touch? Or Kim Jong-il out of touch?

Just Another GOP Cocksucker

Oops! Is there something worse than NC-17? Ah, well… As I said, today we have Bob Allen, another hypocrite Republican who votes yea on penisbreath despite consistently voting nay on gay rights.

And, oh yes, he works for the rapidly imploding McCain campaign.

And, uh, if you were curious - he offered an undercover cop $20 to be allowed to suck the cop’s dick. You need it bad when you pay to give a beejer. Or maybe that was just his idea of compassionate conservatism.

Shenanigans!

Lest you find yourself confused as to the status of the prosecutor firings scandal and Bush’s claims of executive privilege, I have three required pieces of reading for you that should clear everything up. Start with Bruce Fein's piece in Slate yesterday. Or at least read this:

Executive privilege is a concoction, then, to protect secrecy for the sake of secret government, while transparency is the rule of enlightened democracies to insure political accountability and to deter folly or wrongdoing. Still, let's assume for a moment that executive privilege is in fact needed to promote presidential candor. The privilege still would not justify silencing presidential aides like Ms. Taylor or John Dean, who are eager to disclose their communications. Candor is not threatened by a rule that entitles each presidential communicant to decide for him- or herself whether to speak publicly or not.

As the article goes on to point out, This is not a matter of a principle for Bush, this is all simply a tactic to further lead our country down a darkened corridor of corruption and dictatorship. He is expressly attempting to not simply minimize, but to entirely eliminate congress’ constitutional duty to provide oversight to the executive branch.

Follow that up with a taste of Dahlia who explains that Sara Taylor’s song and dance at the hearing yesterday in which she decided that everything good about Bush is not covered by privilege and everything bad is, was actually worse (if your interests lie in a free and open government not ruled by a corrupt monarch) than if she had not shown up at all (like Bush’s dim-witted BFF Harriet).

And finally a primer in executive privilege from Salon where you find out the new extremes to which the Bush administration is taking us.

You can’t prove a cover up if you can’t find the crime. But like the man said about pornography, I recognize it when I see it. Or as the Patriot Act fans in the house are fond of saying - if you don’t have anything to hide, then why can’t we take a look?

Hide The Children!

A new rating system for blogs is now available. As you can see, DoG is not for kids. My favorite part of this is the reasoning behind it:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• bomb (5x)
  
• ass (4x)
  
• fuck (3x)
  
• bitch (2x)
  
• abortion (1x)

Ah... I remember that one. Something about how Bush wanted jumpstart this abortion of an administration by bombing the fuck out of those bitch-ass Democrats. Something like that...

Meanwhile, Back At The Hall Of Justice

It’s no surprise that Libby goes free; it was coming for sure. (And apparently, Bush even broke the law while he was giving Scooter permission to break the law.) But for some reason, it has me especially upset. I’m used to this sort of thing by now, you’d think I could let it roll off my back. As Americans, we’re like the abused dog who keeps coming back for more and probably thinks he did something to deserve it.

Pardoning Libby is just about the most harmless thing Bush has ever done in terms of taking the law into his own hands. It just says something. Demonstrates something about what Bush values. The laws are different for them. He IS the law, goddammit! Torture the brown people, set my friends free, disenfranchise voters, fire attorneys and replace them with obsequious automatons, gin up intelligence so I get to kill people, secretly rewrite the laws that congress passes. I AM THE LAW!

Back in 2000 when we were watching the election, it was like how bad can this doofus be? (And anyway, Gore is 10 points ahead.) At worst, he could ruin our country through inaction. But with the psychopaths he’s chosen to surround himself with, they have essentially rendered the constitution moot and created a monarchy. Their understanding of manipulating the press and the press’s unwillingness not to not ask questions - they ask questions - their unwillingness to call a spade a spade, has given this administration carte blanche. Even on Meet the Press, where Tim “Insider Extraordinaire” Russert pretends to ask the tough questions, when they lie to him, he won’t say lie. I’ve even heard Brian Williams specifically say that he won’t use the word “lie” because it’s not his place. It IS his place. If you water everything down by saying, “Bush critics say…” then everything sounds like an easily dismissed partisan attack. But it’s knowable and provable that they lied us into war and that torture was initiated from inside the White House to name merely two of his impeachable offenses. If you have a guy on TV who says that the sky is green, do you just get another guy who says the sky is blue and let them have at it? Or do you put a camera outside pointing at the sky and say, “The green sky guy is wrong, because look, there’s the sky and it’s blue.”

I don’t know why this one thing upsets me so much today, it’s just like I say, it’s indicative of a greater evil. An evil that surrounds us all and is growing; threatening to encompass and devour everything we hold dear. It must be stopped, but I don’t know how. People are too complacent. While the everyday folks are trying to figure out how to feed their families, Bush is standing behind us, twirling his mustache and stealing our souls. And most will never take the time to notice.

Anyway, I like Wonkette’s take on it:

Number of pardons Bush has granted:
113, less than any president in a century.
Number of pardons Bush has denied:
More than 1,000.
Number of commutation requests Bush has denied:
More than 4,000.
Commuting Cheney’s henchman’s prison sentence right after the bail appeal is denied by the U.S. Court of Appeals:
Fuck you, America!

Happy Fourth of July, everybody! Enjoy the fireworks and go on living your life without remembering why the Founding Fathers decided to declare their independence on that day some 231 years ago - to rid themselves of a corrupt and tyrannical emperor who stole money from the people to amass great wealth for himself and his friends and who held himself above the rule of law.

I Was in New York on 9/11

Does that make me qualified to be president? Rudy “Thigh Highs” Giuliani seems to think so. Were you aware that he had a spot on the 10-member Iraq Study Group panel? Did you know that he was kicked off because he skipped all the meetings? Did you know that he skipped the meetings in order to make $1,000,000+ in speaking engagements? Well, it’s true.

As Slate’s Fred Kaplan explains, it’s positively bone-chilling to imagine that a man who would be president would skip out on the one chance to add a foreign policy line-item to his threadbare (as foreign policy goes) resume, in particular, a line-item as prestigious the Iraq Study Group. And to skip it for pure profit should by itself disqualify him from eligibility for office.

…it was widely assumed at the time that Baker-Hamilton would serve as Bush's vehicle for getting out of—or somehow otherwise resolving—Iraq. And Giuliani, like all other mainstream party members, was still very much in Bush's camp. To be a part of this 10-member panel—to claim the prestige of such august company, to play the role of politico-strategic statesman, and to gain instant credibility on a topic to which he'd previously had no exposure—should have been regarded as an enviable opportunity, both on its own terms and as a boost to his political fortune.

But—given a chance to elevate his standing, serve the country, and get educated on the nation's most pressing issue—Rudy went for the money.

…

On the campaign trail he says that the terrorist threat "is something I understand better than anyone else running for president." As the mayor of New York City on Sept. 11, 2001, he may have lived more intimately with the consequences of terrorism, but this has no bearing on his inexperience or his scant insight in the realm of foreign policy. He is, in fact, that most dangerous would-be world leader: a man who doesn't seem to know how much he doesn't know.

…

Even in his own realm, Giuliani has displayed uneven judgment. After 9/11, he rallied the city with gallant eloquence and organized the recovery with impressive skill. But before the attack, he installed a high-tech counterterrorism office on the 23rd floor of the World Trade Center's Building No. 7—even though terrorists had tried to blow up the trade center back in 1993. (On 9/11, Building 7 was destroyed by the Twin Towers' rubble.)

Giuliani also failed, ahead of time, to create a liaison between the police and fire departments, or to make their radios interoperable—a failure that may have cost many firefighters their lives. He also urged President Bush to hire his crony Bernard Kerik, first to train the Iraqi security forces, then to run the U.S. Homeland Security Department. Bush went along with the first, to no good effect, and was about to OK the second until the feds unearthed Kerik's massive record of corruption.

Where is the evidence that Giuliani's best behavior as mayor, before or after 9/11, says anything about his qualifications to be president?

His shrugged blow-off of Baker-Hamilton offers a glimpse at the darker side of America's Mayor: that he's in it not for the country, but for himself.

But he protected us from dancing to music! Let’s not forget that…

Bush - #1 When It Comes to Protecting You The Saudis

Here’s a revelation that we didn’t hear too much about before the 2004 election… Or ever. Remember how that idiot Michael Moore was asking all those questions in Fahrenheit 9/11, wondering why the U.S., when all flights were grounded following the attacks, allowed a charter flight to pick up all these Saudi diplomats and businessmen and whisk them out of the country? Remember when he was asking who cleared that flight and why didn’t we get to question anyone on the flights? After all, it was right after 9/11 and we were still kind of wondering what the fuck, you know? I think we just found out why Bush didn’t feel up to answering any questions about it.

Judicial Watch, the public interest group that investigates and prosecutes government corruption, today released new documents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (“FBI”) related to the “expeditious departure” of Saudi nationals, including members of the bin Laden family, from the United States following the 9/11 attacks. According to one of the formerly confidential documents, dated 9/21/2001,

Wait for it…

terrorist Osama bin Laden may have chartered one of the Saudi flights.

Oh yeah! That’s the Bush I know and love. That boy not only fucked up so bad as to not have seen 9/11 coming despite all the warnings. But when Osama sent a plane over to pick up his and Bush’s mutual friends, Bush was totally cool with it.

There’s incompetence, and there’s FUCKING INCOMPETENCE.

Eat My Dust, You Insensitive Fucks

Look, I'm not coming around on Bloomberg or anything. He's still the guy who invited the Republican Convention to New York City so they could grotesquely capitalize on the deaths of 3,000 New Yorkers. He's still the asshole who locked down the City during said convention and denied New Yorkers their basic civil rights. He's still the prick who stroked the CEO of ConEd while the good people of Queens went without power for a week. Etc.

And even though it's probably a political move to position himself better for the White House, I love that he told the GOP to go Cheney themselves.

Texas Justice

”Yee-haw!”
- President George W. Bush, upon hearing of the mob justice administered to a man who was sitting near someone who hurt a kid by accident.

AUSTIN, Texas -- A crowd attacked and killed a passenger in a vehicle that had struck and injured a child, police said Wednesday.

Police believe 2,000 to 3,000 people were in the area for a Juneteenth celebration when the attack occurred Tuesday night. The man who was killed had been trying to stop the group from attacking the vehicle's driver when the crowd turned on him, authorities said.

The Austin Police Department identified the victim as David Rivas Morales, 40. The child was taken to a hospital with non-life threatening injuries.

You see? It’s not just the president who’s above the law, it’s everyone from Texas.

I'll Detonate *His* Warhead Any Time

Everybody's making a big to do about the Pentagon's admission of research into a gay bomb - a bomb that would render our enemies harmless because they're too busy listening to Madonna, snorting crank and ass fucking. It's pretty funny, I admit. But I think it also provides a disturbing window into the thought process of right-wingers who fear the Gay Invasion.

If you read the article, you see that it wasn't a serious development project; they were also exploring a way to make the enemy have stinky breath, a bomb that makes you fart, and something that makes the bees sting you like crazy. So it was more like brainstorming than real research. However, those other ones, however stupid, actually have some logic behind them. I mean, it's awfully hard to blend in with the local population if you're bakin' brownies all day. But their idea to turn our enemies gay demonstrates how horribly they view homosexuality; and how low they rate gays on the scale of humanity. They thought about some of the worst things they could do to people, and gay showed up on the list. We could develop a bomb that kills people... OR we could make them gay!! *GASP*

Furthermore, they actually thought that a) you can just "turn" gay. That it's possible there is a level of turned on and horny that will make you attracted to the gender that you're not normally attracted to. And b) that once you're gay, you can't stop yourself from finding the nearest dick and shoving it in your mouth - even under the threat of death or capture by your enemy on the battlefield.

Is it any wonder that these people fear gays raising children or having the same civil rights as the rest of us? They have such a warped view of homosexuality... no... of anyone who sees the world differently from them, that they can't even try to imagine that other person's point of view. They can't envision that maybe it's possible to be gay and not want to find the nearest bath house with a glory hole. That it's possible for gays to go a day or two or a year without having sex. That homosexuals are basically the same as straight people, they just feel more comfortable being in a relationship with a person of the same sex. Be it heartwarming, loving, boring, arguing over the netflix, mopping the floor, sexless, full of mundane suburban monotony like any number of straight couples you know. They just cannot picture it. To them, the gays will always be sex-crazed, drug-fueled, disco-loving maniacs looking to shove their genitals in the face of any available human being.

The gay bomb is funny, sure. But it's fucking disgusting too.

I Grow My Own

All you hear about these days is our visionary (and handsome) leader’s success after success (locally) in his Global War on Terror. Most recently, they foiled a “plot” to blow up JFK airport. And looking back, they stopped the carnage at Fort Dix; some whackjobs in a warehouse in Florida who had a, trust me, complete and absolutely foolproof “plan” to destroy the Sears Tower; and let’s not forget the definitely not harmless masterminds in the terrorist hotbed of Albany.

Whew! I mean, with all these very serious, completely realistic, and almost totally achieved terror plots being foiled, it’s a wonder we have enough FBI and CIA agents for it all!

Thing is, maybe we don’t. For example, last night on the subway, I heard two olive skinned men discussing how they wanted to get a space rocket with a giant fishhook on the end, shoot it up to the moon with a cable attached, and crank the moon down with a big winch until it crashes into Times Square!! Fuck! I mean, they totally have an idea and a plan! Save us, President Bush! SAVE US!!!!!

Eat the Fruit of Ignorance

A new museum dedicated to the fable of Creationism opened recently. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me when people are so stupid as to willfully disregard science in favor of a storybook, but I just can't help it. My favorite, and the most telling, line is this:

"I don't care how long it took to make the Grand Canyon," he tells me. "It's not how old it is that matters to me. What matters is being right with God. Darwin's theory has no God. It can't be right. I don't know if this story is truer than Darwin's theory, but I do know it's better."

Makes sense to me. If you like a particular tale better than you like the facts, then ignore the icky, confusing, brain-requiring truth.

In that light, I present to you an incomplete list of must-be-truisms that feel better than reality.

• They hate us for our freedom.
  
• The insurgents are in their last throes.
  
• Ice cream causes weight loss.
  
• Torture works.
  
• The U.S. doesn’t torture people.
  
• Saudi Arabia is our ally.
  
• Size doesn’t matter.
  
• Jesus Christ is protecting me.
  
• George W. Bush cares about me more than he cares about his corporate masters.
  
• If I’m not doing anything illegal, I don’t need my civil liberties.
  
• God hates fags.
  
• No one can tell it’s a toupee.
  
• Owning a gun protects my family.
  
• They would never interfere with voting procedures.
  
• I’m sure it’s not cancer.
  
• 9/11 had nothing to do with our foreign policy.
  
• Anyone with “Reverend” as their title must be an honest, moral human being.
  
• She’s just stuck up.
  
• We have an all-volunteer army.
  
• We're safer now than before 9/11.
  
• Other people are causing global warming, not me.
  
• There’s probably no such thing as global warming anyway.
  
• Bush will never invade Iran after the shitstorm he created in Iraq.
  
• The cab driver knows what he’s doing.

And let us not forget the granddaddy of all lies we tell ourselves; the Big Lie that precipitated the downfall of the American Empire - Bush won fair and square in 2000.

Takes One to Know One

Bush still believes in his BFF Alberto despite (because of?) his class-A fuckup status. He goes on to say:

"And I, frankly, view what's taking place in Washington today as pure political theater. And it is this kind of political theater that has caused the American people to lose confidence in how Washington operates.

"I stand by Al Gonzales, and I would hope that people would be more sober in how they address these important issues. And they ought to get the job done of passing legislation, as opposed to figuring how to be actors on the political theater stage."

Because if anyone can spot and identify political theater, this is the guy.

Shut Up and Sign the Fuckin’ Form

This Comey thing is a real jawdropper, innit. It never ceases to amaze me that every time I get numb to the iron-fisted tyrannical rule of the Bush regime, another story will leak out putting their past transgressions to shame; doing things that would make any brutal despot green with envy.

This time, in case you’re unaware, it’s a tale told by former Deputy Attorney General James Comey. Ashcroft was the AG, but he was in the hospital recovering from serious surgery. Comey was placed temporarily in charge of the Justice Department. Bush was running his secret domestic wiretapping program, and Comey told the White House that the program was illegal and Justice would not sign off on it. So Bush’s Chief of Staff Andy Card and then head White House council, Alberto Gonzales jumped in the Batmobile and raced over to the hospital to try to trick the drugged-up and recuperating-in-the-fucking-intensive-care-unit John Ashcroft into overriding Comey’s decision. Someone tipped Comey off and he hustled over to the hospital basically to protect Ashcroft from being browbeaten into submission by Bush’s henchmen.

The super-freaky part of the story, to me, is that Ashcroft, even through his haze of ether basically told Card and Gonzales to suck his crank and get the hell out of there - Comey is in charge. I mean, you know you got some pretty fucked up shit when Ashcroft is the hero of the story.

Of course, no one is paying much attention to this, in the same way the “liberal” media hasn’t paid much attention to any of the steps towards fascism Bush has taken over the years. But when discussing why we should be paying attention, I like Dahlia Lithwick’s take in Slate yesterday - it’s not so much about the image of Bush dispatching his goons to go and hover over a dying man’s bed as much as it is about Bush’s complete and utter contempt for the constitution and the rule of law.

The psychodrama in Ashcroft's hospital room boils down to a rift between the people at Justice (Ashcroft, Comey, and Goldsmith) who believed even the president can cross a line into lawless behavior and those who simply don't. Glenn Greenwald contends that "the President consciously and deliberately violated the law and committed multiple felonies by eavesdropping on Americans." The Wall Street Journal insists that no law was broken because the surveillance program put the president above the law. Greenwald believes in an immutable legal architecture that binds even the president. The White House contends the president answers to nobody. There is no midpoint between these two arguments. The president is either above the law or he isn't.

As it turns out, almost everyone who espoused the latter view has fled DoJ. The most underreported moment at Comey's hearing this week was not, as the Journal claims, the Comey-Specter colloquy, but Sen. Chuck Schumer's Freudian effort to swear Comey back into office when he was supposed to be administering an oath. As Ben Wittes puts it today, "the bad guys won."

But that's not quite right. The bad guys were winning for a while because they picked the teams, set the rules, sidelined the referees, and turned off all the lights in the stadium. Congress has some work to do. It needs to drill down on what this mystery eavesdropping program was (and which worse mystery eavesdropping program it replaced) and to get to the bottom of the Yoo memos and what else they've authorized. Let's call the Comey testimony the halftime show. With the refs in and the lights finally on, this might just prove to be an interesting game after all.

I wrote about this last month asking how much longer can this go on. That was well before I knew Bush had a team of pipe-hittin’ thugs at the ready to run off and twist arms as necessary. His own imperial guard from the inner sanctum. Furthermore, consider the fact that after John Ashcroft didn’t give Bush the leeway he needed to wipe his ass with our constitution, Bush fucking fired that no-dancin’ religious Bush-freak (Ashcroft) to replace him with someone more obsequious and cocksucking (Gonzales).

Think about that! He had to fire Ashcroft because Ashcroft wasn’t into Bush enough. Is there any wonder why Bush is lovin’ on Gonzales more than ever after Al’s massive brain fart on Capitol Hill? Loyalty literally above all else. Maybe that works in your banana republics and your military juntas, but it’s no way to run a successful democracy, or frankly any nation as large and as complicated as ours. And it shows, don’t it…

God Punishes the Wicked

Call me a monster if you like, but I’m full-on prepared to say good riddance to Jerry Falwell. Salon reminds us why:

In reference to 9/11: "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them."

"AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals."

“If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being”

“Textbooks are Soviet propaganda”

“The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews”

“[homosexuals are] brute beasts...part of a vile and satanic system [that] will be utterly annihilated, and there will be a celebration in heaven.”

Well, we’re celebrating down here today. Too bad we didn’t get to see his face when he discovered either a) there is neither a god nor an afterlife, or b) God exists, and He’s pissed at how unchristian “Reverend” Falwell has been his whole life.

See you in hell, Jerry!

(Find your own favorite Falwell quote here.)