Thursday, May 31, 2007

Eat the Fruit of Ignorance

A new museum dedicated to the fable of Creationism opened recently. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me when people are so stupid as to willfully disregard science in favor of a storybook, but I just can't help it. My favorite, and the most telling, line is this:

"I don't care how long it took to make the Grand Canyon," he tells me. "It's not how old it is that matters to me. What matters is being right with God. Darwin's theory has no God. It can't be right. I don't know if this story is truer than Darwin's theory, but I do know it's better."
Makes sense to me. If you like a particular tale better than you like the facts, then ignore the icky, confusing, brain-requiring truth.

In that light, I present to you an incomplete list of must-be-truisms that feel better than reality.
  • They hate us for our freedom.
  • The insurgents are in their last throes.
  • Ice cream causes weight loss.
  • Torture works.
  • The U.S. doesn’t torture people.
  • Saudi Arabia is our ally.
  • Size doesn’t matter.
  • Jesus Christ is protecting me.
  • George W. Bush cares about me more than he cares about his corporate masters.
  • If I’m not doing anything illegal, I don’t need my civil liberties.
  • God hates fags.
  • No one can tell it’s a toupee.
  • Owning a gun protects my family.
  • They would never interfere with voting procedures.
  • I’m sure it’s not cancer.
  • 9/11 had nothing to do with our foreign policy.
  • Anyone with “Reverend” as their title must be an honest, moral human being.
  • She’s just stuck up.
  • We have an all-volunteer army.
  • We're safer now than before 9/11.
  • Other people are causing global warming, not me.
  • There’s probably no such thing as global warming anyway.
  • Bush will never invade Iran after the shitstorm he created in Iraq.
  • The cab driver knows what he’s doing.
And let us not forget the granddaddy of all lies we tell ourselves; the Big Lie that precipitated the downfall of the American Empire - Bush won fair and square in 2000.

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