Friday, August 11, 2006

God I Hate You, Kenny

Independent senate candidate and crazy-ass sore loser (CASL™) Joe Lieberman is transforming into a Republican before our very eyes, as in a poorly made werewolf movie. Or perhaps I should say that his Republican stripes are finally plain for all to see. Exhibit A – he clamed it was a victory when he lost on Tuesday. Exhibit B – Karl Rove is working for him. Exhibit C – the guy is making spurious connections between a terrorist threat from British citizens and the war on Iraq instead of seeing that the war in Iraq is what is inciting the violence against us. He’s too far gone from the Democratic party to understand a thought that involves a layer of complexity.

Pop quiz! Match these quotes to their author, Cheney or Liberman?

”If we just pick up like Ned Lamont wants us to do, get out by a date certain, it will be taken as a tremendous victory by the same people who wanted to blow up these planes in this plot hatched in England. It will strengthen them, and they will strike again.”
”Al Qaeda and other terrorist groups were counting on Americans to adopt a weaker military posture. Mr. Lamont’s victory … favored that weaker approach.”
Answer – do you really care? One was Dick and one was Joe.
Mr. Cheney also lamented Mr. Lieberman’s primary defeat; the two men have been on good terms in the past.
Why, I declare! I am overcome with surprise!!

By the way, if you want to learn how to make America safer, let’s take a lesson from Bush.
  • Step 1 – Do nothing to prevent a terrorist attack.
  • Step 2 - Cheer the Brits as they save our asses (maybe).
  • Step 3 – Spend absolutely no time imagining what the terrorists might do next and instead focus on what they already did, and completely overreact by making changes like stopping old ladies from having lipstick on airplanes.
  • Step 4 – Take credit for being the bestest president like ever by keeping everyone alive for the time being.
  • Step 5 – Insist that the Iraq war is even more necessary now and that anyone who disagrees is a traitor and actively wishes to be cornholed by the terrorists.
  • Step 6 – Go back to sleep next to the pool at your million acre ranch.
These guys are all assholes. Give Lamont 6 years, and he’ll be a douche too.


Matthew Smith said...

There was a similar item in Salon a month ago, the day after the Lieberman-Lamont debate (when it began to dawn on many of us that Joe, besides being a egotistic douche, was also a Dubya rhetoric spewing ass).

Laura Elizabeth said...

"Give Lamont 6 years, and he’ll be a douche too."

Sad but true. DC is a breeding ground for stupidity.