Beats Forty Years in the Desert

A woman in Wisconsin is about to be excommunicated from the Roman Catholic church for -- get this -- being too into it.

A 64-year-old woman faces excommunication for seeking the priesthood in an unsanctioned ordination ceremony in Pittsburgh last month, the Milwaukee Archibishop said.

The Roman Catholic Church prohibits women from becoming priests, and Milwaukee Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan said in a statement that it was his duty to notify the Vatican of her action.

Kathy Sullivan Vandenberg and 11 other women took part in an ordination ceremony July 31 conducted by the group Roman Catholic Womenpriests -- eight to become priests and four to become deacons.

See, I didn’t know you could get excommunicated so easily. I thought the only things that could get one excommunicated was making ridiculous claims like the earth goes around the sun or totally coveting your neighbor’s Xbox 360. The big things. Obviously diddling little Bobby Jr. for 8 years doesn’t cross the excommunication threshold.

But it begs the question – since God clearly created women some 5000 years ago to be the obedient receptacles to our seed, why did He give them the ability to speak and to write? This incident plainly exposes the problem when these uppity chicks start giving us lip. Shut up, take off your shoes, and get to work on my dinner, bitch! And put on that dress I like.

"That doesn't mean I'm excluded from the church. Only I can exclude myself," she said.

Holy shit. She did not just say that! Listen here, little chickee, if you’re trying to say that your relationship with God is your own, and that the Bishop or Pope Benny can’t affect it in any way, then you have absolutely no place in the Roman Catholic church. Pick up your microscope and your critical thoughts and all the scientific mumbo-jumbo that you’ve probably been picking up over the years, and get the hell outta my cathedral!!