Let’s Get It On

Ladies, it’s time to loosen up and let your freak flag fly. Australian researchers have shown that if you whore yourself around town, you’ll have babies with like super strength or something. I paraphrase…

Scientists at the Australian National University said they had proven for the first time that frequent sex with multiple partners increased the survival rate of offspring in an animal species.

The team's reproductive revelation comes after two years spent probing the sex life of the brown antechinus, a small mouse-sized carnivorous marsupial found in forests in southeastern Australia, which is related to the Tasmanian Devil.

So there you have it, girls. Break out Tuesday’s slutstume, find yourself a human male and get to it. I mean, you don’t want to have puny little weakling babies, do you?

Despite the advantages to the species from free love, males usually died after a short and intense single mating season due to exhaustion and aggressive encounters with other males.

Oh… Uh… Ladies? Hold on a sec. Let’s be reasonable here. The game is on, for crying out loud!