Hey, guess who finally visited Vietnam? He was about 38 years too late, but who's counting, right? So what lessons did The President, who bravely fought to keep Charlie out of Houston (at least when he felt like it) take away from his experience? Uh...
President Bush said Friday the United States' unsuccessful war in Vietnam three decades ago offered lessons for the American-led struggle in
Iraq. "We'll succeed unless we quit," Bush said shortly after arriving in this one-time war capital.
First of all, did he just call Nixon a quitter? Dag, yo. Second, so... 10 years and 57,000 U.S. soldiers killed wasn't enough, apparently, to succeed in Vietnam. We'd have won if only that cut-and-run liberal pussy Richard Nixon hadn't called the whole thing off. Well, that's good enough for me! My confidence in Bush's "plan" for victory in Iraq has never been higher!
Bush said that "the world that we live in today is one where they want things to happen immediately and it's hard work in Iraq."
Bush said he assured Howard that "we will get the job done" and will stand with the embattled government of Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.
"We'll succeed unless we quit," Bush said. "The Maliki government is going to make it unless the coalition leaves before they have a chance to make it."
If only we'd had a leader with Bush's steely resolve back during the Vietnam war, thing would have turned out differently... somehow! Probably more dead people. And we would have shown those goddam commies who's... oh wait, that already happened anyway. Hell, we'd probably all live in mansions and it would rain donuts every morning. The point is, we just weren't patient enough.
Of course, following Bush's "don't-you-dare-call-it-stay-the-course" gambit, we'd still be in Vietnam, and Bush would presumably still be AWOL from the Texas Air Nation Guard, with his face buried in a pile of blow. Therefore, we wouldn't have Bush as President during the Vietnam war, which means we wouldn't still be staying the course in Viet-- brrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzp brrrrrrraaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk logic overload zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzttttt error does not comp-- KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!