Think of the Children!

Ah, the Detroit Lions. To call them a hapless bunch of lovable losers is to put a positive spin on it. Another way to describe them would be an embarrassingly awful abortion of a mismanaged franchise. And that would be a less positive -- but still positive -- spin.

The latest news doesn’t involve Matt Millen or any of his “Most Terrible Decision Made Since the Last Time Matt Millen Made a Decision.” This time it’s about some assistant coach.

...a Dearborn police ticket describes the coach as "driving on public street without any clothes on. (NUDE)."
...

Court records say the nudity incident happened Aug. 24 about 11:15 p.m., the night before the Lions flew to the West Coast for an exhibition game against the Oakland Raiders. Police stopped Cullen in his car, which was traveling eastbound on Michigan near Lapham Street. The ticket does not provide any other information about why Cullen allegedly was nude. The Lions said alcohol was involved.

A week later, Dearborn police again arrested Cullen, this time Sept. 1 about 11:48 p.m., the night after the Lions lost their final exhibition to Buffalo at Ford Field. Court records show Cullen had a blood alcohol content of .12 after police stopped his 2006 Ford Explorer as it traveled west on Michigan near Tenny.

Drunk driving. For shame, Cullen! I can’t…

Wait a minute, what was that first part? He was nude, and all the police have got is that alcohol was involved? Damn! Lieutenant Columbo, how do you do it?

Seriously, how fucked up do you have to be, and what’s going through your head when you get behind the wheel and say, “You know, driving just isn’t giving me any pleasure. I believe I will strip down completely nude and drive home!” Did he take all his clothes off in a parking lot and then get in the car? Or did he take them off piece by piece when he was stopped at red lights? Did he keep his shoes on like streakers do? Have you ever tried driving in your bare feet? It’s weird. Did he wear his seatbelt? It seems to me that “Little Cullen” might be in some sort of peril with that hard, sharp-edged fabric hanging around down there. Or maybe he used the belt to keep it strapped in, like a mini-fighter pilot.

Seriously, I want to know - what’s the guy doing driving around naked?? Remember – DoG is here to ask the important questions, when the others leave you wanting more.