Why Can’t I Get Just One Screw?

A torture story on the front page of the Times is always a tiny reminder of how far we’ve fallen as a nation. This one is different, however. This one is about how the administration is backing away from their all-torture, all-the-time policy, and falling in line with the Geneva conventions. I, for one, consider this story to be another version of a presidential signing statement. It’s like a cheating husband who gets caught. He promises his wife that he’s not going to cheat on her any more. But in his head he’s already planning better ways to cover his tracks. And Bush wouldn’t even do that if there wasn’t an election coming up.

Which brings me to my point. The election year cynicism of Bush’s new “America’s sweetheart, smear some Vaseline on the-lens” persona does tell us a couple of things. First - that for the time being, we do have some simulacrum of democracy. Hitler certainly didn’t give a shit who found out about all the shit he was up to. In fact, it was vital for his plans that people did know what a fucked up psycho he was. So our elections are close to real. We can still vote and as long as the election isn’t too close, we can be assured that the results are authentic.

And in case you were worried I was going soft on you, secondly – it tells us how fucking ignorant our elected politicians think we are. They think that Bush can go around stripping away our civil rights, tapping our phones, throwing citizens in secret prisons and torturing them to death, and then a few months before an election go, “I just keeeeding!” and expect us to forget the whole thing. And they’re right, aren’t they? Hell, how are you even paying attention to me when the Tom Cruise spawn might be a hoax?

Rest assured – come December, the electrodes will be firmly and publicly back in place on the Iraqi peoples’ metaphorical and literal testicles.