Friday, August 29, 2008

Senator Crazy McOldie and the Hot Gov!


Congratulations, President Obama! We just won this thing. I’m not typically prone to fits of confidence, or even small twangs of optimism. But shit, by choosing Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, Johnny GetOffMyLawn just sealed his own fate.

  1. She’s younger than Obama and been governor for less than one term. Obama’s so-called lack of experience is pretty much off the table.
  2. She’s governor of Alaska. Look, I can’t say for sure, but I don’t think a sloth of grizzly bears has ever invaded any former Soviet republics.
  3. He’s older than dirt and she’s a former Miss Alaska runner up. Taking into account how he cheated on his wife and then left her for the younger, richer, more attractive beer heiress (to buy him who can remember how many homes), he’s going to look like a dirty old man standing up there next to her.
  4. Let’s be honest. McCain’s got one foot in the grave. They’re worried about Obama’s experience and yet we’re going to practically hand the reins of the country over to a 44 year old woman with two years of political experience, no foreign policy background, and who doesn’t even live in the lower 48 states? I used to watch Northern Exposure, ok? It’s different up there.
  5. I think McCain is underestimating the sexism in this country. Doesn’t he remember the Hillary proxies complaining about it all the damn time? Grandpa Naptime has supporters who would never vote for a black man or a woman. I think a lot of those rednecks will just be staying home this year.
And the most important reason that McTemperTantrum just lost this election – how fucking condescending to women can he be?

McCain is obviously choosing Governor Palin because he thinks he can win over Hillary supporters. He is so out of touch and patronizing towards women that he thinks he can get the dumb broad vote (his words, I promise you) by throwing a different set of breasts up there. Have you seen Palin’s opinions? She wants to drill so many holes in ANWR it’ll look like the surface of the moon; she is pro-life; she is anti-civil rights for homosexuals; she is anti-protecting the environment; she is pro-health insurance companies. In other words, she is a loyal Bushite soldier. If McCain thinks that women will blindly vote for someone so clearly the opposite of Senator Clinton on the issues simply because they share the same genitals, then he just doesn’t give women much credit, does he?

3 comments:

the bullet said...

it's about time you came back.

Goldgirl said...

I haven't checked your site much recently, but something told me this announcement would bring you out of semi-retirement...

Michael Grant said...

Glad to have you back; good to be back!