Please Welcome The Next President Of The United States, John McCain!

Well, you fucked me again, Texas. God, I hate you, Texas. Hillary “won” three of four primaries last night. I put “won” in quotes because she inched like maybe 10 delegates closer and still has roughly no chance to win the nomination democratically. But because the American people have the attention span of a three-year-old child, and the press that of the three-year-old’s pet bug, it now seems like Hillary is charging back into contention. Why would she drop out now that she took Ohio and Texas?

And it’s worse than that because in this stupid “electoral” process we’ve got here, perception can trump reality and with Hillary’s obvious win-at-all-costs attitude, I can imagine a scenario wherein she uses the perception that she’s on the rise to convince the superdelegates to vote in her favor, thus countermanding the will of the people. And as a firmly entrenched party insider, she could conceivably get Michigan and Florida’s votes to count, which she “won” by virtue of being the only Democrat too stubborn to take her name off the ballot. Even assuming she doesn’t decide to disenfranchise the Democratic Party primary voters, the scorched earth campaign she’s running against Obama is giving the Republicans tons of ammunition to use against him, (“If Hillary Clinton doesn’t trust him to lead… How can you?”). Whether she’s willing to admit it or not, the longer she stays in is just that much closer to having President John “100 Years In Iraq” McCain.

Jesus, Hillary. You can lose this race and conceivably become the Senate Majority Leader. Would you really rather have a Republican in the White House when you’re trying to get a bill passed? Is being president more important to you than fixing the major fuck-job The Talking Chimp (thanks again, Texas) did to our country the last eight years? God help us…