Thursday, February 14, 2008

Shh! Don’t Mention The 4,000 Dead Soldiers In Iraq

Today, King Kaufman hits the nail on the head. If you’ll allow me to crudely paraphrase his point - “What the fuck is Congress doing spending all day with Roger Clemens?” Although I am loathe to speak for one of my favorite writers:

Whether McNamee's specific statements about Clemens are true or not is, as one committee member pointed out, important to Clemens and McNamee, but not so important in the scheme of things. If Clemens were somehow proved pure as the new-mown infield grass, it wouldn't mean that baseball's drug problem were any less serious. If a video of him shooting HGH in his butt were to surface, it wouldn't mean baseball's drug problem were any worse.

If Clemens is guilty of a crime, let him stand trial in court, where there are standards of evidence and he has the right to face and cross-examine his accusers. If the House Oversight Committee is going to try to make policy to tackle the drug problem in sports, let it get down to business instead of grandstanding by acting as a kangaroo court.
We all know why they’re really doing this. A) It’s uncontroversial. No one’s going to lose an election being anti-steroids. And B) This gets the committee off of C-SPAN and live on ESPN. If you value your health and well-being then you know to never, ever get between a congressman and a camera. But still, this is our tax money, yours and mine, and we’re spending it trying to figure out whether a single person, who happens to have been a world-class asshole his entire career, is lying about taking some drugs once. Holy fucking shit.

I guess there is one good thing to have come of it. Roger Clemens is the planet’s biggest douchebag, but also probably its best ever pitcher. If this keeps him out of the (increasingly irrelevant) Hall of Fame, maybe it’ll all be worth it.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Truth Fart

As a loyal -- some might say religious -- reader, I’m sure you are aware of my disdain for the cable news programs. However, on certain days, I like to get a quick update on things. And with Obamamentum(© 2008) kicking into high gear, I couldn’t wait, you know? Naturally, I tuned to MSNBC where my man Keith is employed. The problem with Keith is that on these special nights his partner is Chris Matthews, the most bloviating, egotistical, Clinton hating, common wisdom barfing, incorrectly predicting, self-aggrandizing no-nothing blowhard this side of Fox News. But during the few minutes I had it on, this gem plopped directly out of Matthews’ mouth and into my living room:

”I forgot I was supposed to talk, not think.”
- Chris Matthews (February 12, 2008)

It’s probably written in his contract. If anyone out there can find the transcript or better, the YouTube, I would be much obliged…

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Super Happy Fun Double Whopper Tuesday

Some idle thoughts on yesterday’s activities:

  • I titled my post from yesterday Super Duper Tuesday. You might not know this unless you’ve read DoG at least one other time, but I despise cable news and avoid it at all costs. However, I did watch the returns last night. It was there that I was horrified to discover that they have actually been calling it Super Duper Tuesday for some time now. You see, I thought I was making a silly joke, and in so doing made myself look like Chris Matthews. I honestly couldn’t be more embarrassed if I were caught by my friends at the Hannah Montana movie. (Which couldn’t have happened because I wore a fake mustache!)

  • Personal voting experience: I typically go to the polls on my way home from work. However, yesterday my significant other insisted that I wait for her to get home, otherwise she probably wouldn’t go. (In her defense, those old ladies can be rather intimidating. I mean, what’s with the gat, Mildred?) Being the fan of democracy you know me to be, of course I waited. When we get out of our respective booths, I ask - so, who’d you vote for? Hillary! she says. (Privacy of the voting booth be damned!) It was then that I realized I had just disenfranchised myself through my own gentlemanly nature. My vote for Obama didn’t count. Ah well…

  • This had occurred to me a few weeks ago, but I didn’t want to say anything lest we end up with President Huckabee. (Don’t even get me started about how saying your sports team is doing well is all it takes to cause a crushing defeat.) Now that it looks like McCain will be the Republican candidate, we can note that no matter what (barring a spectacular fall) a sitting senator will be elected president. That hasn’t happened since JFK.

  • Read this blog post by The New Yorker’s George Packer. It’s short but insightful, and this excerpt summarizes my big worry:
    I woke up a few mornings ago with the realization that the fall election will not be the Democrats’ to lose. Presidential races in my adult life never have been, and this year—in spite of a failed Republican Presidency, conservative disarray, and the massive Democratic turnout in the primaries—will be no exception. McCain has broad appeal; Clinton antagonizes almost all Republicans and many independents and Democrats; Obama’s real support beyond Democrats is unknown. There are plenty of reasons to wonder whether enough Americans will vote for a candidate who is black, and this Times article from Columbia, Tennessee, is a reminder of the steep obstacles. As strange as it sounds, despite a failed war, a brittle economy, and widespread Bush revulsion, I actually think that McCain would be the favorite against any Democrat. But last night made it clear that the Democratic Party is a better picture of the future. Republicans are trying to stay in power on a shrinking platform while mouthing stale slogans. President McCain would be more Jimmy Carter than Ronald Reagan—a last gasp, not a leap forward.
    I especially like that last part. McCain may win, but it’s really the end of the road for them. And here’s my other thought about McCain. I don’t want to say anything too bad, but I’m just saying - we have to pay close, close attention to his running mate. McCain’s old, and he’s been through a whole lot. You know y’alls are thinking it. I’m the only one with the onions to (almost) say it.

  • I’m disappointed in the results. I had high hopes for Obama’s chances in California. It appears that Hillary took it in a walk. And despite the fact that both camps are acknowledging that the delegates are pretty much gonna end up even, (which is crazytown, btw. Whoda thunk?), it seems to me that Hillary’s going to end up getting the nom. Which is the story of the Democrats, as far as I’m concerned. We got pumped up on Dean in ’04 and ended up with milquetoast Kerry. Bradley was the insurgent in ’00, and we got Snore Gore. (Oh, I’m a fan now, don’t get me wrong. But you know what I mean.) And it looks like we’re going to shoot ourselves in the foot again. We have inspirational Obama. A man who is getting the youth out voting like never before - record turnout in fucking primaries! And we’ll end up nominating old news, has-been, Hillary Clinton and her capitulate-to-the- Republicans-because-she-thinks-it-will-get-them-to-lay-off- even-though-everyone-knows-they-never-will strategy. To paraphrase Bill Maher from Larry King the other night, if Hillary wins she’ll of course be light years better than Bush. But she’s never going to be able to make a real change in this country like Obama could. Not that he will, mind you, but he’s the only chance. She’s too close to powerful lobbyists and entrenched interests and the status quo to do the unthinkable. We’re coming upon an historic opportunity to do something right for once, and I see it slipping through our fingertips like so much water from a melting glacier that she won't do much more than Bush to stop.
Merry Super Wacky Crumbelivable Won’t You Take Me To Funkytown Tuesday, everybody! No matter what you want to happen, you've got to admit it’s interesting to watch.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Super Duper Tuesday!

Listen, I’m not going to tell you how to vote today, if you get to vote today, as I do. I’m just going to say that the hard-core Republicans have to hold their noses to vote for McCain or for Mittens. You can see by the turnout numbers in the primaries so far that they’re not so much excited about this year’s election.

It’s conceivable that with either one of those candidates a large number of conservatives will just stay home in November. Except for one thing - the one person on the planet they hate more than their primary choices is Hillary Rodham Clinton. They would trample over their own mothers to do harm to the Clintons. Do you really want to give them something to get excited about on election day?

Besides how great is it going to look on a debate stage with a youthful, fresh, vibrant Barry against a death warmed over John McCain?

Vote Obama. Sleep easy.